A Thousand Suns

Chapter Seven- Waiting for the End

I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore.

Chester was somewhere away from town again. He had no idea how long he was running and he didn't want to know. He just wanted to keep running. Run away from Mike.

He loved Mike. He's loved him for over a decade. They've been so close to each. He always thought that was good.... Now he thinks Mike was probably over obsessive.

But he cares. He's doing this for you, Chester. That voice came back. The voice that seemed to side with Mike's thinking. Chester's insanity, you could call it.

I don't care.... It's wrong.

Maybe it's not... One person did rape you... And the other tried to kill you...

But... Chester felt something happen inside him. His thoughts changed. His feelings changed. He felt anger built up again. He wanted to scream. Wanted to break something. Anything. Anyone.

He took out the necklace and the lip ring that Mike gave him. He stared at it. That's all he could do... well, he was still was running. That's another thing he was able to do. He didn't know how long or where he was, but he didn't want to know. He was sure about that. That's all he could think about doing, but he couldn't think about too it much.

Run. Don't care about where you are or how long the running has been. Just run.

He really just wanted to be far away from Mike. He couldn't see his face again. Not now. Not when he was in this state of mind. Whatever this state is called, Mike couldn't see it. No one can see him in this state. It wasn't him.

Put on the necklace. Join him, Chester. It'll be much easier than running away constantly. The voice came back. The voice that sounded just like him, but said things that he would never say. Mike's doing this for you, and what are you doing to repay him? You're running away. Leaving him in the dust. That's wrong, Chester. You know better than that so why are you doing it?

Because I can't deal with what Mike's doing. What he's doing is wrong. Chester argued with himself. I can't join him. He's hurting too many people. Killing too many people. I can never do that to someone.

But you can! If Mike can do it... If all your best friends in the world could do it... You can too. You know how they are. They're five of the nicest, most caring people you know. And your other friends were able to help Mike. God, everyone you know has most likely helped Mike in one way or another. Stop resisting, Chester. Just stop.

Chester stopped running and dropped to the ground. He was lying on his stomach now, letting tears fall free from his eyes in waves, clutching the necklace and lip ring. "I can't." He sobbed. "I can't do that. I don't wanna be like Mike."

He rolled over to his back, laughing. "But I can do that... I can be like Mike... I can help Mike... I can put on the necklace. Hell, I can even put on that lip ring. It'll be so much better."

"I won't." He sobbed again. It seemed like his body was at war with itself... No, it didn't seem that way. It was that way. Part of him wanted to join Mike and his friends, end all of his suffering and pain, while the other wanted to hold on and wait for some other alternative.

Maybe... if I stay out here for a while... I'll starve and thirst to death... Yeah... Yeah, that'll work. He thought, tears falling harder. He hated thinking that way. He hated that he'd rather be dead than deal with his lover and the one who's made him happy most of his life, but it was the only other option. At least, it was the easier option. Then he wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again. He'd be happier that way.