fate/first order derivative

Part II.6

> continue: iteration 26, day 5, morning

"Miserable little punks." The bald, skeletal old man glowers down at us from a balcony on the other side of the room. He's wearing a bathrobe -- not a kimono, I'm pretty sure, an actual black terry cloth bathrobe -- and grips a simple wooden cane (which I do not trust) in one hand. "Drian'. Rats running inside my walls. You thought you could rob from me, hm?" On cue, the door slams shut behind us.

We're in a... shit, is this a ballroom? Holy crap. It is. An actual, three-story-tall ballroom, complete with hardwood floor and big crystal chandelier. (Just how big is this frigging house, anyway?) It's clearly seen better days. Dust coats the windows and cobwebs hang all over the chandelier. The floor seems to be rotting in several places. Sakura seems as lost as the rest of us. I wonder if she's ever even seen this place before.

"It's not stealing if I'm taking back what's mine!" Rin steps forward, her arm raised at Matou. "Agreement of exchange, Article II, Section 5.6, Paragraph 3! If the individual in question is to participate as a Master in a Grail War, all restrictions on interactions are to be temporarily lifted! As head of the Tohsaka family, I am therefore reclaiming Sakura Matou as a member of my house for the duration of the conflict... you piece of fucking shit!"

The old man snorts. "If you think word games will let you walk out with my property, girl, you're as much of a fool as your father was. Tell me, how did that little trifle I gave him work out for Tokiomi? Eh?"

Rin's face tightens, but she doesn't seem to have a comeback. Okay, better think strategy while the cutscene lasts. We're on the ground floor. The balcony that Zouken's on stands opposite to us at second-floor height. I don't see any stairs up there, but there is a door behind him... and another one on the wall directly below him.

Worth a shot. I catch Shirou's eye and glance towards the door on our level. He nods and starts to carefully edge away from the group in that direction. Third rule of battling a lich -- get your melee fighters up close to them as soon as possible.

> so what's the first rule

'Don't.' Well, that, or don't talk about Lich Fight Club. Depends on your character level.

> rimshot

Anyway, it occurs to me that I'm feeling fairly weaponless here myself. Aw, fuck. I totally left the umbrella upstairs, didn't I?

> yep

Fucking inventory system. Just one single bag of holding -- is that really too much to ask for?

"Children." Zouken shakes his head. "Always, I am surrounded by idiot children. Ah, and speaking of which -- here comes the toddler brigade."

A door on the wall behind us opens. Illya and the maids walk in. None of them look particularly surprised. I guess all of this is de rigueur when it comes to mage fights.

"Good day, little von Einzbern." Zouken sounds almost cheerful. Crap, he's actually enjoying this, isn't he? I can't tell if he's just doing the standard Bond-villain thing, or if he just likes to hear himself talk. Old man's gotta old man, I guess, even if he is a walking swarm of maggots. "I see your family is still producing inferior knockoffs of their few successes. How is that moldy old relic Jubstacheit? Still plodding along, I trust?"

Fourth rule of lich battles -- spread out to avoid area-of-effect attacks. I glance over at Sakura. She mostly seems to be staring into space, whispering what sounds like "no no no" over and over again under her breath. Reassuring. I take her shoulder. She shudders and immediately tries to pull away.