тσ тнє мσση αηԃ вαɕк🖤🌙

3

I enter my house, closing the door softly and make my way to my couch.

Man I sure did not miss this place.

Sighing I get up to go to the kitchen and eat, it feels awkward to walk so I have to lean against some objects so it feels more better.

I open the fridge, its basically empty, theres some bananas, bread, and a water bottle.

Grabbing the water bottle and a banana, I close the fridge softly and place the stuff I took on the counter.

Once i finish eating I get upstairs carefully, paying attention to the broken step and my thigh,

Making it upstairs I head into my bedroom and sit on the floor looking up at my ceiling, I was now deep in thought.

'what was jahseh doing at my house that day, why did he stay with me that day in the hospital, why did he care so much ive known him for only a day literally, I have to keep my distance starting tomorrow.'

I shake my head and ignore the thoughts, so many questions I had like what made him get those tattoos and what were there meanings.

Jesus if I dont keep my distance im goin to get involved into some fucked up shit.

But it is rude to judge just by his looks but I cant risk shit. this isn't the first time I met a guy who I was curious about.

My curiosity is the problem if I wasnt so curious all the time none of that shit would have happened.

~flash back to 4 years ago~

'I was gaining my consciousness back, when I open my eyes all I see is darkness, cold wind hitting my body, i was naked.

Trying to yell out but all that came out was muffled murmurs, I try to reach for whatever was over my mouth but i was prevented by a very rough rope wrapped around my wrists.

"Look whos finally up.." I hear someone say off in the distance I try to yell and scream but I fail to get anything out, once I stop trying my breathing begins to speed up as my temples begin to pound.

"Are you done.. OK nooow we are going to have some fun." The mans voice deep an raspy begins to get closer to me I begin to panic and squirm around in the chair some more,

hearing something vibrating I feel the mans hand was trailing up my thigh spreading it away from the other one.

Quickly I close my legs which caused a sharp pain on my cheek to occur after, he slapped me, I whine and begin to sit still afraid of what he would do if id continue.

Spreading my legs once again he inserts something inside me that starts to vibrate inside of me I yell out in pain, Im a virgin.. At least I was until now, but it was muffled by whatever was wrapped around my mouth.

I try to squirm for awhile but it makes it feel worse so I decide to just sit there with my head down.

I felt dirty, used. I wanted to just disappear I felt lifeless, hoping after this he would end me right after.

I felt the vibrating sensation stop and the thick object was removed from inside of me, breathing heavily the mans hand was underneath my chin lifting my head up "your being a good girl maybe after this you will get a treat" his breath against my ear mad me shiver in fear....'

~flash back over

I shiver at the thought of what he did, and by he I mean... My father but ever since then I never seen him, people who knew him would say he was off on business or dead.

I didnt really care I was just glad I didnt have to go through all of that over and over again when I see him.

I get up off the ground slowly and dust off as I continue to think. If only I wasn't so curious to find out who my dad was all that wouldnt have happened.

I was only 13 and I had no idea he would have been like that. It took 4 years to find him since my mother left and I regret it so much.

All I ever wanted was a supportive family member or friend in my life atleast.

I really need to control my curiosity who knows what this guy "jahseh" can do and what troubles hes been through.

But... He could also be hurt and broken like I am which is another reason why I need to stay away because if I dont ill begin to have sympathy and get attached.

And I am not willing to get hurt again, the thing I hate the most is love.

I'm completely numb after all the shit I've gone through I'm too afraid to even show emotions and feel anything towards someone.

I guess I rather be alone than have a partner to go through all of this with.

But I can't really say id dislike it if no one has ever been there for me.

what im trying to say is I dont want to share my pain with someone who wouldn't understand what I've been through.

Trying to teach myself how to treat others better than I would treat myself,

no matter how hard I try to, I get used and hurt badly which is why I rather stay to myself and be alone.

I walk down the hall into a closet and grab a pillow and a blanket, I head back to the room and lay the blanket and pillow on the ground, getting ready for bed.