i just want to get out

Safe.

Choromatsu isn't sure how they got into this position. Everything was blank and numb. He couldn't bring himself to pay attention to anything. Who knows how much time passed until he calmed down and actually bothered to pay attention to anything, like the fact that no one else but Osomatsu was in the room despite Choromatsu knowing for sure others were inside. Perhaps with his dull senses he didn't hear them leave.

Osomatsu was hugging Choromatsu from the back, his arms wrapped around tightly on him to hold him in place as if to make sure he couldn't leave or move, not like he'd attempt to.

"Choromatsu," his voice was so quiet but it echoed in the still silent room making Choromatsu flinch. There was a pause before he continued, "Are you alright...?"

Choromatsu tried his beest to curl up into himself despite the older's grasp. What kind of dumb question was that? Of course he wasn't, and he knows he wasn't. So he responded with silence, not like he'd want talk to Osomatsu anyway.

...

"Yeah..dumb question," he half laughed.

The atmosphere felt surprisingly warm, although not the good kind. It felt like there was no air, like they were closed in. Before, Choromatsu would've accepted this warmth as welcoming, safe, and comforting after long days, a place he could always go to. Now it was his prison that took everything away and was slowly killing him, whether it be by his hands or his family's.

Osomatsu's grip tightened as he let out a shaky breath, "Why...?" Osomatsu knew why, they read his escape- No, suicide letter after all. But Osomatsu still couldn't accept what Choromatsu was willing to do, what he wasgoing to do. That Osomatsu let this happen and made him feel like this, like this was the only option for him. He wanted to hear what Choromatsu had to say, he wanted it confirmed, he wanted to know if this really was real.

Choromatsu shivered at the question. 'Why' was a broad question but he knew exactly what the older meant. Osomatsu really was an idiot, they all were. How could they not know what the obvious problem was? He didn't want to talk to Osomatsu. They haven't wanted to talk to him, but now they do? Now they want him to talk to them? It seemed too little too late for that and more than a little unfair.

Time has passed until he figured he wouldn't get a response. There had to be a way to make him talk. Sure it sounded unfair, but he needed to know what he could do, if there was anything he could do, because despite Osomatsu knowing what the main problem is, he couldn't give it to him nor change it.

Instead, he took a different approach, one he knew Choromatsu couldn't ignore. "Do you...do you remember why you can't leave? Why we have to keep you in here like this?"

He was still using his quiet tone, but it sounded threatening to Choromatsu. His heartbeat slightly rose in speed as he slightly nodded. Of course he knew why, how couldn't he? It haunted him everyday. He didn't want to hear it and Osomatsu knew it.

"Well..." he decided to tell him anyway. He didn't want to hear it, he didn't want to know how right he was. Instead Choromatsu shut his eyes, unable to move his hands to cover his ears due to the other's grip. He tried his best to not pay attention. As if to hear the words but not listen to them. They went in one ear and out the other. But the fact is, Choromatsu didn't need to pay attention for his brain to recite the words itself. It felt like forever. Echoing in his mind, repeating itself in words and images.

He didn't ask for this. He didn't deserve this.

...

...Or did he?

"I'm sorry Choromatsu....I'm so sorry..." Those words so close to him and the tightened grip made him pay attention again. Choromatsu always wanted to hear Osomatsu, or just anyone, apologize to him. To realize despite this situation that couldn't be helped, they were all shit at dealing with it and were wrong. But there was something about it that sounded unsatisfying. Maybe it was the context in why he got an apology, or maybe it was just the way Osomatsu decided to say it or the fact he doesn't know exactly what he's apologizing for.