*Grayson's POV*
I walk back into my room and pick up my shirt that she was wearing.. it smells like her.. I furrow my eyebrows when I smell it.. I didn't meant to scare her and I could shoot myself with that damn weapon for being so mean and scaring her..
I could see the way she looked.. like I'm a monster.. like I was someone else. This all is changing so fast I don't even understand it by myself so how can I expect her to be chill and not confused?
I can't control myself.. I can't control what I'm feeling and what I'm doing. No matter how often I tell myself that it's okay.. it's not..
I sit down on the ground and lean on my bed..
I'm hurting and scaring her.. I'm mean.. I'm soft then I'm angry and I don't know how to act normal. I run my hands through my hair and try not to freak out.. how couldn't I notice it.. of course she gets scared when she sees a weapon..
She's only fifteen and she probably only knows 10 percent of all the things that I'm doing... she would never want to see me again and run away for her whole life from me if she would know what else I'm doing...
I stand up and walk to my drawer and get the
little pack of Xanax out.. this will help to get numb for a while.. it destroys me and I can't accept that..
I swallow two of them at once and then I hear a voice..
»Grayson! We're back hooome!« dad says happily.. I rush downstairs after I put the shirt away.. they both look so happy.. I'm shaking.
Catherine looks so happy.. her belly is growing.. the baby in her is growing.. she smiles at me.. dad puts his arm around her and pulls her closer.. they are so happy and I'm trying to destroy it.. how could I do that..
I furrow my eyebrows.. of course I'm going to destroy it.. »How was your party? I hope you and your friends had a great time!« I swallow and walk to the kitchen. »Amazing..« I mumble when they follow me.. »I'm glad! Are you happy?« he asks.
I turn around to him and give him a death stare.. »I'll be upstairs I need some rest..« Catherine says really exhausted.. she puts her hand on her waist and smiles at my dad. He nods and she leaves..
I put out a glass and pour some Hennessy in it.. I was trying to stay clean but I can't. It won't work. He looks at me very disappointedly.. »Grayson could you please stop? You're going to die!« he says angrily putting his hands on the kitchen counter. I laugh and take a sip.
»Die.. would you care if I would die?« I Ask smiling. He furrows his eyebrows. »Stop talking like this! You know exactly that I would care! You're my whole world!« I lick my lips and look into my glass.. his whole world.
»Well you didn't care when Cameron died..« he looks shocked when I say that. Usually I wouldn't talk about that since it's destroying me but I need to let my anger out until I calm down and think about something else.
My sister Cameron had depressions.. she used to cut herself, never really leave her bed, and also had a few suicide attempts.. I loved her so much.. no matter how sick she was, she always tried to be a good sister and she succeeded.. but after the thing with my parents she couldn't take it anymore..
My dad left my mom for Catherine.. she's way younger than him and since everybody knows us because of my dads holding, everybody knows us and he was afraid that everybody would find out about him leaving his wife for a younger woman...
Of course my dad couldn't let this destroy his marketing and his name so he just said that mom cheated on him and it would be her fault that they got divorced.. means they labeled my mom as a whore and she lost everything because dad just let her down.. he didn't give her anything.. he did everything to take it all away from her and leave her on the street.
