Just keep breathing

Chapter 69 - Day one

January 29th

Mel's perspective.

I make my way back out to A&E slowly, dragging my feet along the linoleum floor. Why do they have to make these places so bloody depressing? As if it's not bad enough being in a hospital already, you'd think they would try and cheer the place up a little bit.

The walls are all the same sickly green colour, stretching out in every direction as far as I can see, the occasional window breaks up the monotony. Still, as its nearly eleven pm and this side of the hospital doesn't face the street or the car park, the only thing I can see through them is darkness.

Ben is sitting in the waiting room when I arrive, staring down at his phone intently, his eyebrows knitted together.

"Hey," I say as I approach him

"Hey! I was just texting you. You OK?" He asks, sliding a muscular arm around my shoulder and pulling me close to his side.

At this simple gesture, I feel my eyes fill with tears again, this time I don't even try and control myself, burying my head into his T-shirt I cry wholeheartedly, my body shaking as the sobs wrack through me. Finally allowing myself to feel the terror and emotion that I've been trying to hide since I walked into the hospital nearly an hour ago.

"Sssh baby it's OK. She'll be OK I'm sure, I mean, she's in the best place right? They'll take care of her." Ben consoles me, pressing a soft kiss into the hair on top of my head.

"She looks so broken." I sob picturing the glimpse of Katie I allowed myself to take as I left her and Harry alone in Resus.

"How's Harry?" Ben asks quietly "Toby called me, he dropped one of the cars back at Harry's a little while ago and was confused to find no one home but all the lights on, I guess he left in a hurry. I asked him to turn everything off and set the security alarms."

"He's... he's a mess. Said he got sick when he saw her." I tell him, as I finally straighten up and wipe my nose on the cuff of my jumper, not having anything else to hand, and quite frankly, not caring what anyone thinks of me right now.

Once I've composed myself, I spend a few minutes filling Ben in on what the doctor said, before eventually suggesting we go and find a coffee somewhere.

"I think I'm in for a long night," I say as we take a seat in the hospital cafeteria and I pour several packets of sugar into my sizeable black coffee, stirring it vigorously.

"I'm hoping they'll at least let us stay until she's moved to ICU, you don't have to stay though, I can just get a cab home later."

"Of course I'm staying," Ben says over the rim of his coffee cup as he brings it to his lips to take a sip. "Silly girl. I'm here for you, OK? As long as you need." He reassures me and reaches out across the small plastic circular table to take my hand.

"I don't think they'll let you come in with us," I admit sheepishly "Honestly, we had enough trouble convincing the doctor to let Harry stay."

"Baby you don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine in the waiting room. You can just come out whenever you need to alright?" He says with a small smile.

"You're quite amazing. You know that?" I tell him, feeling the corners of my own lips twitch up in a smile to mirror his.

"Ahh, I've been told that once or twice, don't like to brag though." He teases, and a low giggle escapes my throat. "There's my happy girl," He says, running his fingers across the backs of my knuckles.

"I shouldn't be laughing right now, not whilst... it's not right." I say quickly, angry at myself for forgetting, even for a moment, where we are, and why.