Saved: A New Beginning//Sequel to Saved

False Beliefs

       ~A week and a half later~

I miss my father. He wasn't the best father though, and I can never tell Billie or Adie or Joey or Jake or Mike or Tré or—well, you get the picture. He wasn't nice to me all of the time. Sometimes he scared me. There was this one time where I accidentally knocked over a vase in the living room and I didn't tell anyone because I was scared my dad would find out. He eventually did and he yelled, "It's fine! Stop crying! I'll clean it up!" I knew he was angry though. He used to guilt me into things sometimes too. He took me outside one time and showed me a dying squirrel that he shot with a pellet gun, and he told me to put it out of its misery. I didn't want to; I really didn't. I know that someone had to kill it, but I didn't want it to be me. He manipulated me into doing it though because he said, "Well, if it bleeds out, it'll be your fault. Either way, you kill it. However, if you shoot it now, it won't suffer. If you let it die on its own, you'd have tortured it to death and its life would be on your hands." I shot it with the pellet gun three times in its head until it stopped squirming, but I was still in trouble for putting it out of its misery. My dad said I was heartless for doing so. It never made much sense to me, but who was I to say anything? I wasn't the parent; he was. He never physically hurt me, so it's not as damaging as it could've been. I know deep down that he was abusive, but when I told my mom, she didn't believe me. I don't think anyone would. I don't think adults listen to kids no matter the circumstances. I don't even know for a fact that it's something that I should talk about. It scares me.

I sit down at the dining table and look at the clock on the microwave. It reads 12:00. It's pitch black out and I have this anxiety since I know Billie will be leaving soon. He's one of my best friends and, of course, one of my parental figures. I'll still have Adie at least, but it scares me that he's leaving. I just lost my dad and I don't want to lose Billie either. A month is a long time to be away from someone. What if something happens while he's on tour? Like, what if his plane crashes and he dies, or what if he dies on the way to the airport? I know it's probably ridiculous to think about since he's been doing this for so long, but I can't help it.

"Hey, kid, what are you doing up so late?" Billie sneaks up on me, causing me to jump. He walks over to the cabinet and grabs two glasses from it. "I can't sleep," I admit, watching as he fills both glasses with water. "Is something bothering you? 'Cause you can talk to me about anything...if you want," he says, setting down one of the glasses in front of me. He sits down in the chair next to me and takes a sip of his own water. "I can't really tell you," I say, grabbing the glass and staring at it briefly before taking a small sip. He becomes more serious in his facial expressions. "Is it because I'm leaving?" he asks after a moment. "Partially, partially not," I admit, shrugging my shoulders in a brief up and down movement. "It's only a month, and I'll be back home before you know it," he chirps, trying to cheer me up. I take a gulp of my water, realizing my mouth has become quite dry. After a moment's silence, I feel guilty for not saying what I'm really thinking about. "What was my dad like? Like, was he different around you then he was when he was at home?" I question, listening intently. He sighs before saying, "He was...different. Probably one of the most introverted people I knew. He was a good person for the most part, sometimes he came off as a jerk but he wasn't. He was pleasant to be around, he could always make people laugh." He glances at me and I tear up with this sudden frustration. "Why don't we both go to bed, kid?" he suggests softly with a touch of sadness in his tone. I nod my head, grabbing my glass of water before beginning to walk up the stairs. He follows behind me, and once we get to my room, he sits on the edge of my bed.

"I know it's really hard to lose a father...they're always supposed to be there for us, and when they're not anymore, there's this sudden hole in our lives. It really sucks," he laments while I pull the covers over myself. "Can I ask you something?" I ask suddenly. He nods his head, "Of course you can." He gives me his full attention and I dig deep down to find the courage to express my recent feelings. "Is it wrong that I don't...like, I don't feel the want to see my little sister anymore? I know it sounds really cruel and-and just kind of evil, but every time I think about her, or think of her presence, I get this feeling that I can't quite describe. I-I know it's not...it's not normal for a person to feel that way, but I can't get that feeling to go away," I admit while on the verge of tears. There's a slight weight lifted off of my chest and I can finally breathe. Billie motions for me to scoot over so he can lay down with me. While I do, he begins by saying, "It's not wrong to feel that way," he moves one of the pillows so he's more comfortable, "Why do you think you don't want to see her?" I lay on my side so that we're facing each other, "I think maybe it's because she reminds me of the whole incident sometimes, and I know it's not her fault, but sometimes that's all I can think about." "You went through something that was really traumatizing and it's normal for a person to have certain things or people that bring up those emotions that you felt. I know that you feel like you're a bad person for feeling those feelings, or thinking those thoughts about her, but it's not your fault," he explains in a mature tone. I yawn, causing him to yawn as well. He gets up from my bed and pulls the blankets over me before kissing my forehead. As he heads towards the door, I end up tiredly mumbling, "You're nothing like my father; you're a better dad than he ever could have been." With his hand on the door knob, he smiles at me in a sympathetic manner before closing the door completely. I lay down on my back and stare at the ceiling. If only he could know how happy I am to have gotten away from my parents.

A/N: heyyy beautiful people!! How are all of you doing! I hope you enjoy this chapter even though it was slightly darker than usual! Please leave a comment and vote if you did! It always means a lot to me when you do!! Ilyasm! XOXO
-Victoria