Emotions | Book 3 to 'Lil Marais'

THREE

S K Y L A R

I walk through the front door and slam it shut. I sit on the steps and i put my head in my hands, i take a few deep breaths.

"Sky?" I hear Myta call my name

"Yeah" I answer trying not to sound like i'm crying

I feel her presence next to me, i hear her as she sits down next to me. She rubs my back and i remove my hands from my face, i look at her and give her a fake smile

"Are you okay?" She asks

God, i hate that question

I break down in tears, "No" I sob

She hugs me, "Sweetie, i know it's hard but you're going to get through this" She tells me

I cry on her shoulder, "I just need Zach, where is he?" I ask

"I wish i knew, i really do" She answers

"Our baby is dead and he's the one who is running away from-" I take a deep breath cutting myself off, "I know he's hurting too Myta, i know he is. I just wish he would come
home" I tell her

"He'll come when he's ready" She nods her head

Maybe i'm being selfish, maybe he left because he needed to grieve in a different way. I just don't understand why, we've always gone through the hard stuff together.

"I suppose" I mumble

She rubs my arm, "I'm going to put the kids to bed" She tells me

I shake my head, "No. They're my kids, i should do it" I smile at her

"It's fine, i will" She shakes her head

"Myta, i said i would do it" I snap

I stand up and i rush upstairs, i walk into Lilia's room and see them both playing barbie's in the her play tent.

I sniffle and wipe my tears away, i walk into Lilia's walk in closet and i grab a pair of pyjamas.

I sit on the floor, "Lilia, come here please" I tell her

She runs over to me with a big smile, she wraps her arms around me and kisses my cheek, "I love you mommy"

I hug her, "I love you too my little princess"

I put her pyjamas on her and she goes back to playing. I pick Wesley up and carry him on my hip to his bedroom

"Mommy?" Wesley asks

I sit him down on the floor for a second, i grab him some pyjamas from his closet, "Yes darling?" I ask

"Where's dadda?" He asks

What do i say?

How do i say it without breaking down?

"He's working" I lie

He frowned at me, i kissed his head softly. I look at him feeling guilty, i feel like a terrible mother.

When did things get so messed up?

I quickly change him into his pyjamas. I put him into bed and i read him a bed time story. He soon falls to sleep and i sit on the floor next to his bed, I wipe the tiredness out of my eyes that's been there since i lost the baby.

"Calm down Sky" I breath in and out

I stand up and put the book back on his shelf, i flip my hair down and quickly tie it up. I close the door a little and i go to Lilia's room again. I walk in to see her laying down asleep in her bed, i walk over to her and kiss her cheek. I turn the lamp off and i walk out of her room.

I close the door a little bit behind me, my eye catches a door sign that says 'Toby', i feel my heart being pinched.

"She's falling apart Josh, i don't know how to help her" I hear Myta say, she must be on the phone to Josh

Guilt suddenly washes over me. I open the door to Toby's room, the smell of new furniture fills my nose. I walk in signing sadly

I sit in the rocking chair, i pull something that i've sat on. It's a teddy, Toby's teddy. I hold onto it really tight, i soon drift off to sleep

+

I hear the door open, i keep my eyes closed. It's probably just Myta. A waft of Zach's cologne fills my nose, my eyes shoot open

I look around the room, "Don't be so stupid Sky" I mutter to myself

I place the teddy back on the chair, i walk through the door, into the hallway and into my bedroom, i change into one of Zach's hoodies, it comes down to my knees

I lay in bed thinking of the day i found out i lost the baby, gosh i was devastated. I felt my heart shatter with just a few words, there's really nothing worse than loosing a baby that you was so excited to bring into the world

My door slowly opens, apart of me thought it was Zach, i really, really hoped it was. Wesley gets up on the bed

"You okay, bubba?" I ask

He nods his head, he gets under the blanket and rests his head on my chest. I kiss his forehead.

I soon drift off to sleep