And Again, It Was Because Of You

Chapter 4

You haven't seen Katya or Trixie in almost a month. Even though Trixue gave you Katyas number, you haven't text her. You will never have the chance. That keeps running through your head and it wont leave. You haven't even talked to Trixie since that night. Your depression has hit you hard and it came out of nowhere. Right now you're laying in your bed cuddling an old pillow you got from your mom. Tears streaming down your face. Your thoughts were interrupted by your phone buzzing.

You wipe your tears away and answer the phone. "H-Hello?" You say quietly. "Hey, what's wrong? We haven't seen each other in almost a month and you won't answer anyones calls." Brian (Trixie) sounded truly concerned and you instantly felt horrible. Through even more tears you decide to answer him. "My depression came back Brian. I'm scared." The tears start falling even harder. "Oh baby, im coming over. I'll be there in an hour."

While you waited, you decided to hop in the shower. You just sat there. Letting the water fall on to your face and body. The tears were still falling. Why did it come back? Just why? You kept asking yourself. Your mind was racing and you just couldn't take it. You got out of the shower and  ran to your kitchen cabinet where you kept all kinds of medicine.

The bottles filled the cabinet. Some for the flu and some for muscle pain. You grab the codeine and dump out eight pills. You stared at them for a few minutes before downing them all at once. You went back to the shower, pill bottle in hand, and sat down again. Looking up to the ceiling you whisper to yourself, "I'll see you soon mom."

The pills are starting to take a toll on you. Your vision was getting blurry and your body was going numb. That's when you hear the front door slam.

Brian Firkus POV

The whole ride to her house I had a horrible feeling in my stomach. I didn't like it. Once I finally gor to her apartment, I ran as fast as I could up to her room. As im unlocking the door, I hear the shower running. When I got inside I call her name. No answer. I called a few more times. Still no answer.

I ran upstairs and into her bathroom. My heart stopped and I fell to the ground. She was sitting in the tub, barely moving. Her eyes were rolling into the back of her head. I grabbed her and dragged her out of the tub. "Wake up. Please wake up (Y/N)." She wasn't responding. I grabbed my phone and dialed 911. They got there within five minutes. My face was covered in tears and I could barely breathe. "Why would she do this? What happened?" I asked myself out loud. When I was in the back of the ambulance it was loud. The medics were talking to each other and trying to hook her up to machines. "Sir, do you know what happened?" I shook my head no. "No, I came inside and found her like this." He sighed. "We are going to have to pump her stomach." All I could do was cry into my hands. 

When we got to the hospital, I sat in the waiting room. My phone started buzzing. It was Brian. "Hello?" I managed to get out. "Hey bitch. Where are you?" "Bri, not right now. I'm in the hospital." "What the fuck happened?" My legs were shaking uncontrollably. "I found (Y/N) basically lifeless in her bathtub. There was a pill bottle sitting on the edge of the tub." The tears started to fall even harder. "What hospital?" He says bluntly. "What?" He sighed. "Tell me what hospital you're at. I'm coming." I gave him the name of the hospital and hung up the phone. 

The thoughts in my head right now were horrible. "She's not gonna make it. You should have been there more. There's nothing you can do now." I brought my knees up to my chest and started crying into them while sitting on the couch. Then there was an arm wrapping around me. I jumped only to realize it was Brian. He had a warm smile on his face. 'What happened? Why did she do it?" He was rubbing my shoulders trying to comfort me. "I called her to see what was going on. She said that her depression has come back and I knew I had to get to her right then and there." My breathing started to speed up. "This isn't the first time she's attempted suicide Bri. What if she doesn't make it? I promised her mom I would help her and keep her safe." Brian looked a little shocked and sad at the same time."I know how it feels to walk in on something like that. Im sorry you had to witness it yourself." 

It's been about four hours and the doctor is just now coming out to talk to us. "How is she? Is she gonna be ok?" I say frantically. He sighs. "When we pumped her stomach, the only thing that came out, was the pills and very little food. She had barely anything in her stomach. It looks like she hasn't eaten in about a month. She is going to be ok, but when she gets home she will be put under suicide watch. Considering this is her fourth time in the hospital due to attempting suicide." Brian looked like a deer in headlights. I had said it wasn't her first time, but I never said how many total times she had done it. "I'll be staying with her until she gets better. Can we go see her?" The doctor nods and leads us to her room. She was laying there playing with one of the tubes that dangled on the side of the bed. I knock on the door and she doesn't look at me. Not even a glance. 

I walked in and sat beside her bed in a chair. It was silent for a while. "Why did you call the police." She mumbles out. I just looked at her. "What kind of question is that?" She was staring blankly into space with tears streaming down her cheeks. I lightly grabbed her face and she jumped, breaking her gaze. Her eyes grew wide when she saw that Brian was there as well. "No. You didn't. Brian, please tell me you didn't tell him." I was crying again. I lied a little bit. "No, I didn't. The doctor did." She rolled onto her back and out her hands over her face."No. No. No. No." She kept repeating it over and over. I crawled into the bed and just held her. Brian was wiping tears from her face. "Do you want me to leave (Y/N)?" She stared at him. "No, please. I'm sorry. Don't go."

We all sat there and talked for a few more hours. They are releasing her tomorrow. Brian agreed to stay with her for a few days while I went home and sorted some things out. She wasn't too happy about it. She felt embarrassed. Brian fell asleep on the couch and I fell asleep in the bed with her. Not where I wanted to spend my night, but she needs me right now.