91 Days [Chanbaek]

iv. it's like you're not even trying

3.8k ; please scroll down to the 'external link' below to be directed to the asianfanfics version of this chapter.

a/n: sorry for the late chapter. here's a very long chapter to make up for it. also, thank you to my co-creative director (ha puns) karla for helping me brainstorm for this chapter and elle for editing/looking over it too.

Baekhyun's eyes glanced over the carefully numbered list with his husband's slightly messy handwriting ruining the lined paper. It wasn't until his doe eyes landed across number 4 on his list that he spoke,

"Park Chanyeol, are you fucking serious?"

He looked up at the other with his eyebrows scrunched up as he was met with nothing but a small grin from his husband. Chanyeol couldn't help crack an inappropriate smirk at what he put down in ink.

"Number 4: Have exciting sex in a different place." Baekhyun read out-loud, holding out the hand with the list clutched between his fingers to give it back to the giant, "You're gross." He let out a light-hearted laugh.

"Hey, he said we could put any sexual things we wanted as well." His husband chuckled at the end of his sentence as he reached out to take the list back from Baekhyun.

Baekhyun felt the other's soft fingertips brush against the back of his fingers and for a slight second, he felt butterflies fill his stomach. Unfortunately, this moment was cut short; Baekhyun's brain sabotaged him by making him think about Chanyeol and Yoona. How they probably fucked in other places. How they probably loved every second of it and the rush it brought. How maybe they even fucked in this very car- he needed to stop himself there.

Instead the butterflies in his stomach made it twist and turn in nauseating ways. A sickening feeling overcame him.

Baekhyun quickly handed the list back to his husband and pulled his hand back, scared of their fingers brushing up against each other once more and bringing up unwanted memories. Chanyeol took notice of this sudden change in his mood,

"Are you alright? I can take it off if it bothers you, Baekhyun." He heard Chanyeol's voice break the sudden silence between them.

Baekhyun who tried to relax against the seat, looked over at him, "No. It's fine. I understand if you want to try something different. But...It'll just take a while for us to get there."

As Baekhyun spoke he looked away from his husband, afraid to meet those soft eyes and change in his words. "I know that." He heard him respond as he started the car.

"Don't worry, I won't rush anything. Okay? I know it'll take a bit for us." Chanyeol reassured him as he began to back up the car from the parking spot they were in. Baekhyun didn't respond back. The rest of the car ride was filled with nothing but silence with hints of awkwardness hiding within it.

Majority of the time, Baekhyun hated his mind. He despised how it would twist any happy moment for him. It would make things morbid and make him think of only the bad things that could turn out for him. It burdened him. It ruined so much for him.

Baekhyun pulled his own list out of his pocket, unfolded it, and looked down at it. His eyes scanned over the purple tape, his fingertip brushing over it.

He knew one day he'd have to gain control of his mind once more. Maybe this will help.

-

They decided to hang up their individual lists beside each other on their fridge,

Baekhyun's List:

1. Be comfortable around you again.

2. Get our spark back.