Red ~ TWD (Daryl Dixon)

Way Down We Go

Nugget's screams brought me back to the harsh reality we were facing. The tiny newborn in my arms felt like the only thing tethering me to the world at the moment. Her desperate pleas for food a reminder of an imaginary clock steadily ticking as she got closer to starvation with each passing second. She needed food and her mother, the only one capable of providing it, was dead. Daryl's lips thinned as he pressed a kiss to my forehead before walking passed me to Rick. He knelt in front of him, calling his name as he waved a hand in the catatonic man's face. There was no indication he heard him, his gaze distant as sat on the ground, the shock of his loss too much to overcome. Whatever we were going to do we were on our own.

"Let me see the baby," Hershel said and I shuffled to him.

"What are we gonna feed it?" Daryl asked, having given up on Rick for the time being. "We got anything a baby can eat?"

No, we didn't. Lori asked us to keep a lookout for the essentials months ago, diapers, clothes and formula. Even then she was preparing for the worst, but every shop we raided and house we ransacked was devoid of any powered formula.

Hershel looked her over quickly with a sad smile before announcing, "The good news is she's healthy, but she needs formula and soon or she won't survive."

Whatever bubble I was floating in popped, my body stiffening. I knew what he said was true, knew it back in the steam room, but hearing it was jarring. Carl moved forward, stopping beside me, curious as he watched his little sister continuing to wail in my arms. Rearranging the tiny bundle I transferred her to him. He looked terrified to hold her so I gave him an encouraging smile. It was a testament to our utter lack of preparation that everyone felt more comfortable fighting walkers than holding a baby.

Once she was safely in her brother's arms I stepped back, smiling sadly as I watched the siblings, wishing desperately their mother had lived long enough to see this.

"Nope. No way. Not her. We ain't losin' nobody else. I'm going for a run."

Daryl slung his crossbow over his shoulder, striding away with renewed purpose, his body a solid mass of determination.

"I'll back you up," Maggie said.

"I'll go too."

There was no way Glenn would let Maggie go without him. Not after today. Probably not ever again.

I looked between the pair then down at my hands, choking on bile as I examined the red stains marring my pale skin. Swallowing hard I silently followed them. If anyone was going it was me. I was the one who killed Lori. It was my fault Nugget was at risk. I had to do something. I had to keep my promise.

"OK, think of where we're going," Daryl yelled to the couple, not noticing me trailing in their wake.

He motioned for Beth to follow him, but I ignored everyone as I made my way to his bike. I checked my weapons and remembered I didn't have my PPQ, only my knives.

Turning to Glenn I held my hand out, "Give me your weapon."

His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me. "Alex..."

"Give it to me. We don't have time for this."

He looked at Maggie whose face was pinched with concern as she watched me closely. There were only three souls in the entire world who knew what happened in that steam room and she was one of them. She was worried about me, that much was clear, and I appreciated the concern, but it didn't change anything.

Glenn reluctantly handed me his weapon which I quickly checked, making sure it was fully loaded before holstering it. I looked over their shoulders and saw Daryl and Beth with their heads together, talking in rushed whispers, but before I could wonder what that was about I noticed our headcount was off. My eyes scanned the courtyard, counting bodies with a frown only to backtrack and start over when the numbers didn't add up.