Red ~ TWD (Daryl Dixon)

I Go Where You Go

The void seemed endless, black and bottomless.  There was no end and no beginning.  It just was.  I didn't remember how I got here or why.  I wasn't sleeping, at least I didn't think so, though I had no proof one way or the other.  The only thing I knew for certain was I didn't dream.  This place didn't allow for dreams.  It didn't allow for much of anything at all. 

I was surrounded by nothing, swallowed whole by its vastness.  Being here felt somehow wrong though I had nothing to compare it to or any evidence to support the vague recollection.  I didn't remember anything concrete before this.  Still, there was something, instinct maybe, that told me I needed to leave this place, but I wasn't sure how.  My gut screamed if I stayed I'd die, but living and dying had held no significance at the moment. 

There was an ease here.  It was almost peaceful.  There was no pain, no despair, and most importantly no death.  There was no good or bad.  There was nothing, nothing except the cold and a pang of something that felt like loneliness.  The crushing swath of emptiness sometimes made it difficult to breathe.  I longed for something, someone, to ease the bereft feeling taking root in the depth of my soul.  I could feel parts of myself withering, and there was a voice in the back of my head, a deep, rugged, soothing timber with a Southern twang that was always there.  It told me to hold on, to fight, to come back to him.  It told me I couldn't stay. 

Sometimes I heard other voices, at least I think I did.  Voices in the distance, so far away it felt hopeless to try and reach them.  Everything was muffled, like I was swimming underwater in the cold depths of the ocean.  I tried to kick for the surface, but the voices never got closer. 

Suddenly there was an explosion of sound, so loud and visceral it was a shock to my system.  A loud bang startled me and I wanted to retreat further into the dark where it was safe, but then I heard the voice.  His voice.  He was screaming loudly.  He sounded desperate which made my chest ache for reasons I couldn't identify. 

The voices had never felt this close before, like I could reach out and touch them if I just had the strength.  There was a vague sense buried in the back of my mind that I needed to get closer to his voice.  He was my reason to leave this place.  He needed me and I needed him.  I wanted to ease his suffering.

Frantically I kicked for the surface or what I hoped was the surface.  There was no up, down, right, or left, only instinct.  My body felt sluggish and unresponsive, but there was a subtle awareness returning, slowly and painfully.  It brought with it the hope of something more, of him, and my heart started pounding in my chest.  I saw a dim light above me and struggled towards it.  The closer I got the brighter the light became until it was stinging my eyes and making my stomach swim with nausea but it wasn't darkness so I continued forward. 

Out of nowhere came a memory, a memory of where I was supposed to be, of a time before this, of a man with eyes as blue as the sky on a cloudless day.  The closer I get to the light the clearer the picture became, he was tall, rugged, with long hair that was always falling in his eyes.  He looked at me like no one ever had, with love.  When he looked at me I felt whole.

The darkness was reluctant to let me go, long, black tendrils wrapping around my ankle, attempting to pull me back down.  I tried to scream for help, but I had no voice here.  Something warm and solid grabbed my hand, squeezing, anchoring me to the distant shoreline.  His fingers sliding between mine were a warm greeting in this desolate isolation.  I knew his hands just like I knew his face.  It was home.  He was home. 

With one final kick my head broke the thick surface, the shadows below me screeching in protest to my newfound freedom.  The sound hurt my head, in fact, everything hurt and I moaned at the aching sting radiating through my entire body.  My senses were in overdrive, bombarded with sounds and smells my brain was having difficulty processing.