I Don't Like The World, I Only Like You

Chapter 6: One's Lifetime is Extremely Long

001

During winter last year, I bizarrely contracted a bout of dermatitis.

The hospital prescribed me a bunch of medicine, and the doctor instructed me to watch my diet – I wasn't allowed to eat seafood, I wasn't allowed to drink milk, I wasn't allowed to eat eggs, I wasn't allowed to eat beef and mutton, and I wasn't allowed to eat spicy food...

I immediately felt that there was no more meaning in life.

"What's the point in living any longer? After all, the main purpose of living in this world is to eat."

He glared at me, "Could you have more ambitions in life?" Under Mr. F's supervision, our house would definitely qualify for the Environmentally Friendly House Award. The table was filled with all sorts of vegetable dishes, and I ate till my vision was turning green. He took pity on me, and finally relented, allowing me to eat some pork meat.

That night, he cooked a plate of flavoured pork, and I was so touched I nearly cried when I was eating the pork meat. I told him in all earnestness, "I feel that the only thing that can make people feel an immediate sense of bliss the moment they lay eyes on it is a plate of meat."

Finally, I managed to recuperate after an entire winter. As I had scratched the wounds, there were some scars on my calf. When I wore shorts in summer, my friends noticed the scars and inquired about what had happened.

I glanced at Mr. F, and told them in a pitiful tone, "Because I wasn't obedient, I was punished with domestic violence."

He was stunned momentarily before putting on a straight face and retorting, "Didn't I warn you not to tell anybody? I'm going to punish you again when we reach home."

Hahahaha I didn't manage to keep in my laughter and immediately burst out laughing.

002

On the day when Mr. F and I held our wedding ceremony, he was forced to drink a pretty large amount of alcohol – mainly because he kept shielding me from the excessive drinks. As a result, he had to drink all the drinks that were originally meant for me.

When we went round giving our toasts, he held my hand extremely tightly. I laughed at him, asking whether he was worried that I would run.

He nodded his head seriously, and told me that of course he was worried as it wasn't easy for him to finally 'catch me'. I told him not to worry as I wouldn't run – not unless Jay Chou came to disrupt the marriage.

Subsequently, when this guy had too much to drink, his icy image was entirely changed. With a glass of alcohol in his hand, he slurred, "I'm tremendously happy today... Is there anybody who can help me pass a few words? I'm extremely, extremely grateful to Jolin Tsai and Patty Hou – you two must enjoy a very good relationship with Jay Chou..."

The people seated around him, including me, all burst into laughter.

003

A few days before my wedding, my best friends conducted a bachelorette's party for me. Mr. F frequently ticked me off for transforming into a lunatic whenever there's a crowd – and rightfully so. Whenever a huge bunch of good friends are gathered together, I'd be especially excited. Once I start getting excited, I'd always look for beer and other forms of alcohol. If I recall correctly, I was constantly toasting everybody that night – regardless of whether it was red wine, beer, cocktails or champagne, I drank all of them indiscriminately. At long last, I predictably collapsed and passed out.

The next day, I drifted in and out of sleep before finally waking up at 4:00PM. When I got up, I asked Mr. F, "Did I drink too much yesterday?"

He nodded his head. "I... I wasn't embarrassing, was I?"