Labels Don't Define Me

2

'You want them to see you like they see every other boy, they just see a faggot - they hold their breath not to catch the sick'

PJ has been my best and only friend for almost seven years. I privately know that Chris wouldn't date him, he's a jock. I really don't know what PJ sees in him.

As we head to our history classroom, my anxiety builds up. I start pressing my chewed down nails into my palms and slowly grinding my teeth. I scratch the sides of my index fingers with my thumbs, mentally telling myself to keep breathing.

We walk in and sit down, PJ takes off his beanie and ruffles his hands through his hair. I, however, leave my beanie on, hiding my long hair.

Mr Clayton starts taking the register and I whisper to PJ 
'So are you gonna ask him at lunch?'
'What? Oh. Nah. Maybe. I dunno.'
I roll my eyes and brush a rouge curl out of his face.

'Eliza Howell?'
My heart beats hard and fast,
'H-here!' I squeak, my voice going high and extremely feminine sounding. Cursing under my breath, I look down at my desk, fidgeting with my fingers.

A loud banging comes from outside the door, everyone turns to look at who was knocking. A student whom Dan had never seen before enters.
'Uh - I - sorry, I'm new.' The boy says, gripping his bag straps tightly, as if holding on for dear life.
'Philip Lester, right?' Mr Clayton raises his eyebrows at the raven haired boy.
'Uh yeah. And uh. Just Phil is fine.'
Mr Clayton gestures for Phil to take a seat, he looks around in what appears to be a curious, yet positively terrified manner. He then makes eye contact with me, his eyes are startling. He raises his eyebrows at me and looks down at the empty chair next to me. I nod, feeling slightly claustrophobic. He smiles slightly and sits down.

***

The bell rings and everyone rushes to pack their things up to go to their next classes. Since Phil had arrived, I hadn't said a word.

Maybe this is my chance. A chance to have a friend who thinks I'm just a regular boy.
No.
The teachers mark the register and call out our names.
I may aswell not bother with him then.

I sigh and pick up my side-bag and sling it over my shoulder. I turn to PJ who is reading his timetable.
'Ah. Gym. Wonderful.' He says sarcastically. I groan; having to go into the girls changing room sucks. It makes me feel like a pervert or something.

As we turn to leave, our path is blocked by the new kid.
'Hi, I'm Phil.' He smiles, yet still looking terrified.
'We know,' PJ laughs, 'I'm PJ and this is my best friend D-...' he shoots me a glance, my eyes widen. We have a conversation with our eyes.

What do I tell him your name is?

I don't know!

He quickly turns back to Phil,
'Yeah, that's uh, yeah, my best friend.' He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. Phil looks as if he's about to say something about it, but changes the topic,
'Uh...I have...' he looks at his timetable, 'Gym with Harrison?'

'Cool, we have gym with Mendes, we'll walk you down.' PJ offers. Phil thanks him. I give PJ an annoyed look. PJ pokes his tongue out at me. We set off, down the stairs, to the gym.

'So, we're in the gym, you're on the field.' PJ explains to Phil.
'Hey cool, thanks guys!' He smiles broadly.

'Guys'. He called us 'guys'!
No no I'm being stupid, 'guy' is a gender neutral term.
Still, I can't help but smile a little.

PJ and I walk into the gym and towards the changing rooms, I grab out my sling and put it around my neck and place my arm into it. PJ puts some eyedrops in his eyes and rubs them. 'Sad and crippled. Hey that sounds like a band name,' PJ lets out a small laugh then stops when he sees my face, 'I'm sorry Dan, I didn't mean to create that awkward situation. I'm really sorry if I accidentally outed you.'
I sigh quietly, 'it's okay Peej, I know you were just trying to make him feel welcome.' I lean over and hug PJ, he's quick to hug back. My chest presses hard against his, I wince. I try to pretend I didn't feel anything, but PJ noticed;
'You're wearing bandages again, aren't you?'
I nod, biting my lip. PJ sighs,
'We need to get you a proper binder, otherwise you'll have breathing problems...just like when you were looking at Phil.'

My eyes widen again, 'what?! What's he got to do with it?' I feel myself blushing, PJ just laughs.

A/N I know this is really cringe or whatever but I really enjoy writing this idk