Labels Don't Define Me

5

'You've got no cunt in your strut, you've got no hips to shake. And you know it's obvious, but we can't choose how we're made.'

I stare down at the apple in my cupped hands. I try to make it look as small as possible, by heart racing. I've already eaten about half of it.

I'm so pathetic. It took me twenty minutes to eat half an apple.
I must be annoying PJ so much.

PJ watches me stare at the apple in my hands. He must see how troubled I look, because he stands up and walks over to me. He sits down and holds my wrists gently, looking into my eyes. 'You can do this,' he whispers, 'I believe in you.'

I look up at him. I manage a weak smile and bring the apple back up to my mouth. I don't stop eating until I completely finish it - core and all. I look at PJ, feeling disgusted with myself. As pathetic as it seems, I secretly crave praise for eating the apple. And PJ gives it to me, 'Well done, I'm proud of you.' He grins at me and helps me up. I smile back.

***

'Fly into the sky, never wonder why,
Tailgunner, you're a Tailgunner...'

Listening to heavy metal on swings is one of my favourite things to do. I feel so free on swings. I guess you could call me a music nerd; I'm wearing my favourite Iron Maiden shirt and listening to their eighth album - Fear Of The Dark.

PJ and Phil are sitting in the grass near the swings and chatting. I watch them, glad to be away from them. I watch PJ laugh at Phil's joke. Phil laughs too. I love Phil's laugh, it's so...carefree. At least it seems to be. I look at PJ who's rolling a cigarette, nodding as he listens to Phil talk. I'm glad I can't hear them; there's so much colour in the trees and so much sound in my ears from my music and I would be so overwhelmed if I was trying to follow a conversation as well. I let the swing slow down and then jump off just beforeit stops, making my way over to where PJ and Phil are sitting. I plonk down next to them and snatch PJ's freshly lit cigarette, sucking in, letting the smoke fill my mouth, sucking it further into my chest, letting it out in a pretty pattern. I love smoking. It feels lovely and makes me feel a little bit rebellious. Stupid; I know.

A/N I'm sorry I haven't been updating. I've been sick and busy and sad idkkkkkk. Also. This story is directly based on my life, so it's difficult to write so yea