My Anorexic Heart

Chapter 18 - Stallion

I'm lying in bed, staring up at the night-blackened popcorn ceiling. For the past two hours, I've been doing everything in my power to not think about Sebastian and Libby. I've taken so much anxiety meds I should be in a comma, but the Cuban coffee is keeping me wide-awake—and fueling my imagination.

Libby, who looks like a Victoria Secret Angel, clings to Sebastian's arm. Her tears splash on his perfect shoulder. She's wearing nothing but bedazzled underwear and large pink wings with kitten heels. He wraps his arms around her blemish-less, tan skin. Then he morphs into a light-brown haired, Edward smirking up at me and my eyes flash open.

For the briefest of moments, I've fallen asleep only to be met with a nightmare. Rain instead of tears splatter against my window. I reach over to the nightstand and press the center button of my iPhone. It is almost one in the morning.

I get up and, in the pink and yellow glow of my "princess" nightlight, I pace the wood floor in front of my bed. Sebastian still has not contacted me. I shouldn't, but I expect him to. I expect him to realize how much I need his presence. Without him, I am an anxious ball of craziness about to explode.

My pulse flutters at rapid speed. I should do nothing but lie in bed and watch I Love Lucy reruns, but I can't. I have an itch and it must be scratched.

I walk over to my nightstand, pull the two phones off their chargers, and lay them on the bed in front of me. Which to choose?

It is ten after one. Texting Sebastian at this hour would be beyond stalker. I pick up the flip phone. I hover between three names: Terry, Janie, and Sky. Edward's name annoyingly glows up at me, but he's not an option.

I select Sky.

Me: R u up?

I bite my lip as I wait for his response, considering calling if he doesn't text back soon.

Sky: I am now.

Me: I can't sleep.

Sky: Lucy re-runs?

Me: Not going to work this time.

Sky: Oh, no. What did Edward do now?

Me: He's staying over at my house for Spring break.

Sky: So? Janie will be with you.

I roll my eyes. Of course, everyone knows what's going on in my life. Why should I ever expect an ounce of secrecy?

Me: If I tell you something, can you not tell anyone—not a soul?

Sky: If you have to ask, don't tell me at all.

I glance over at the picture on my nightstand—Sky and me when we were in preschool. He is a year younger than me and has my birthday cake icing all over his face. I have my arms crossed and my bottom lip pouted. I don't know why of the millions of pictures we have together I put this one on my nightstand. I just like it. It reminds me that even when he makes me want to cry, I still love Sky.

Me: I'm sort of, but not really, seeing someone secretly.

Sky:?!?!

Me: Okay, I am seeing someone secretly.

Sky: I don't think that's a good idea.

Me: Me either, but I can't help it. He was telling his ex-girlfriend who thinks she's still his girlfriend tonight but he hasn't texted me or anything and her sister is a supermodel. What do I do? ... Oh, and he's the pastor's son.

I wait as my long, rambling text squeezes through the cell phone airways.

Sky: Sebastian?

Me: You know him?

Sky: I'm still in High School, Ni. He visits his Dad almost every day.

Me: So?

Sky: How did you get involved with the pastor's son?

Me: Work...does that matter? What am I going to do? (Other than break up with him).

Sky: You realize you make your life unnecessarily complicated?

Me: Yes.

Sky: Then you wait. I'm sure he'll contact you soon. And as far as Edward... prepare for the worst.

Me: Thanks a lot.

Sky: Np. Permission to sleep?

Me: Granted.

I flip my phone closed and plug both back in to charge. There is no way I'm sleeping tonight so I rearrange my pillows, flip on the TV, and find the long list of pre-recorded I Love Lucy episodes.

Somewhere after the tenth episode, I nod off and wake up in the middle episode thirteen to the buzz of a text coming through on my iPhone. Blurry-eyed I fumble my hand over the nightstand and pull the phone off the charger. The faint, bluish-gray haze of morning light seeps in through the slits of the blinds as I read:

BFIT: R u up?

Me: Yes.

BFIT: Do you have time for breakfast before school?

My eyes widen as if I never fell asleep.

Me: Be ready in ten.

BFIT: Already outside.

I leap from my bed, letting the phone fall onto the pillows, and pull back the curtains. Parked behind my red Mini is a large, white truck—like a stallion waiting to take me away from the dungeon of my life to fairyland.

I close my eyes and pray, Please, God, let him still be mine.

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Thank you, once again, for reading and sticking with Nina this long! If  you liked this chapter, please vote & share! Critiques/comments/suggestions/reactions are also welcome :)