038. ARTICLE!

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TOM HOLLAND CAME OUT—
AND IT SAVED ME?
JJ Abrams      May 15      5:50PM



          Welp, you folks are hearing it here first. Tom Holland is in fact gay. And it has indeed saved me. No longer can I feel pain or be unhappy. I am completely saved.

This is not an assumption. If you follow this link here, you will be taken to Salem Ambrosia's (salembitch) recent twitter post. Now, you may have to do some scrolling to find it, but if you do look for my comment (jjabrams) about me asking for the inside scoop on whether Tom had a man crush or a crush-crush on Salem. The first to reply was Salem, stating that he and Tom smashed. This was followed by Tom replying: "we diD NOT SMASH! and you want the real truth? i'm gay & trynna date salem theres ur inside scoop"

Of course, I made sure to get permission before writing an article on this (you can even see me ask on Twitter!) But yes, finally, we know the truth.

Tom has admitted to crushing on Salem. And I think we can all tell Salem feels the same (just look at everything he posts there has not ever been a time when he's not talking about Tom.) Which means their is one last thing to; create a ship name.

Talem? Som? Tolem? Sam? Salm? Tomlem? Ambrolland? Hollosia?

In conclusion, Tom has come out. The gays are truly taking over. Salem is the queen and Tom is finally his king. And Salem and Tom have absolutely no cute ship names. They all sound like weirdly mispronounced and misspelled words. However, if I had to choose, I would go with Talem Ambrolland just because Talem makes me think of Talon and Talons can cut a bitch open when sharp enough and that is indeed what happened to me after being saved by Tom coming out. First, it saved me. Then, it killed me. Anywho, tell me which ship name you guys like best in the comments!

Tune in for my next article—which will also probably be on Salem and Tom because I love these boys more than life itself.



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NOTE!
5.14.18
Hell is to be raised soon, my children



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