"Why the fuck did you talk to him?" was the first thing Phil heard, when he entered the classroom full of students talking about Dans return.
Dan had to go into the opposite direction than him, so Phil couldn't ask any more questions then, even though he would've loved to get to know the brown haired boy. But they had plenty of time during lunch for that and the most important question Phil had in his mind, was why everyone was staring at Dan.
He just couldn't understand why.
Sure, he was limping and probably absent for the last couple of months, but they were eyeing him like he was an alien.
"Phil!" Pj poked the tall ones shoulder, trying to get answers. "Why weren't you? You clearly know him" Phil said lazily, sick of the things Pj and Chris hadn't told him.
"Yeah we do, but you don't" Chris spat, but Phil could tell that he wasn't mad at him, just a little desperate.
He did that all the time. Faking something, just so nobody knew what his real opinions or feelings were. Phil didn't understand why he did that. It was so obvious to everyone, why wasn't he real in first place? Pj and Phil would ever judge him for that, they both could easily tell when he was lying. He looked to his right, his lips twitched, like the truth was trying to break out.
"Tell me why you two always talked about him, what did he do?"
"We didn't talk about him"Chris lied once again about that certain thing they had lied about all along, so Phil turned to Pj. He usually gave in a little quicker.
"Yeah we did talk about Dan, what - um - did he say anything to you?" Pjs curly hair was a lot messier than just minutes ago, he probably ran his fingers through it a little too often. He seemed so stressed, something Phil wasn't used to. Pj was always calm, like he had meditated for years, unless it came to Dan. Phil still hadn't fully realized that all those secrets and whispers of his two friends had revolved around that one pretty boy. What did he do? What was everyones problem with him?
"No, what should he say to me?" Phil didn't even try to reduce the curiosity in his words, he wanted to know.
Pj bit his lip, slowly turning around and walking away, but Phil stopped him by grabbing his shoulder.
"What is the fucking deal with him?" Phil asked, almost furiously. He couldn't bear it when he was the one everybody kept secrets from. When he was the only one that didn't know.
His mother used to do that. She used to talk with his father and older brother about stuff that Phil "didn't need to know". Stuff they kept so far away from him, that he didn't even have a clue about what was going on. Hushed conversations that always stopped when he entered the room. Excuses hiding the truth that he wasn't allowed to hear and fake smiles covering his families feelings.
Phil had felt like a stranger in a house full of people that had raised him. He didn't care if it was "for his best", he had felt ignored, unimportant and left out.
Phil was fourteen when his father died.
His cause of death was late found cancer. But Phil found out even later, to be exact, the day his father was transferred to a hospital to die, five days before his father took his last breath and seven months after everyone.
Phil was clueless for months and not able to enjoy the left time with his dad.
His family hadn't saved him from a terribly sad time, they had given him the lasting fear of ever being too late again.
Pj freed himself from Phils grip and stepped back, first looking at Chris, then just at some spot on the wall, thinking.
"He had an accident some months ago and now he's back, end of the story" Chris said, shrugging. Phils eyes switched between the two brown haired boys he called his friends. Did they keep more than Dan as a secret from him?
"An accident?"
"Car accident, but you shouldn't talk with him about that or don't even talk to him at all" Chris expression was blank, his words monotone. He had his feelings under control like a hypnotist ones mind.
"Why?" Phil asked, he didn't get why he shouldn't talk to Dan, he seemed okay.
"He's weird, you know, that's why everyone was staring at him."
"I'm weird as well" Phil chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood that was filled with nervousness.
Pj smiled at him, his blue eyes finally locking with Phils.
"Oh hell yeah you are Philip Lester, but just do yourself a favor and stay away from him" his voice was soft like he was saving Phil from doing something stupid.
Something stupid called Daniel James Howell.
And Phil would've trusted the boys words, if the softness hadn't reminded him of the tone his mother had spoken in when she told him that everything was alright.
