WATTYS LONG LIST. He's got three polyamorous, pole dancing moms and his world is the stuff of which teen boy fantasies are made. But when he falls for a feisty cancer patient who is about to die, he truly learns how to live.
What in holy heck's going on in that video below? Well Harry and Meghan didn't go this far at their wedding, thank goodness. It's every Black church-going child's nightmare--if they're from a very fundamentalist church background, that is, as I was. I prayed every Sunday that none of my relatives would wind up dancing down the aisles like the women in the video. But now, I almost wish they had and that I had joined them. Why? Well...read on...
Ellen. God.
Ellen and God. Yes, let's go there. To church, I mean.
She chirped, "Oh, how lovely! The gang's all here," when she opened the door.
And she really did look like a big old happy parakeet or something. She'd put on a ruffly, flowered print blouse over a matching midi skirt and fluffed up her hair like feathers.
But I was relieved, to be honest, when I saw her looking mostly like someone's mom dressed up for a special event. And she liked how I looked, too, apparently.
Rubbed the satin lapels of my tuxedo jacket—which I was wearing with jeans and a black t, BTW—and said, "Oh, my God, you're our own personal Mick Jagger!"
"Can we bring it a little closer to this millennium, Mom?" Kendall said.
Ellen gave a "tsk" and said, "Well, I don't know these new people. And they all look like they're deliberately trying to be ugly—he is beautiful! And you are beautiful! That dress! My goodness!"
"Okay, now we're talkin'," I said.
And I meant it. Kendall was rockin' it. We'd stopped at this normal mall on the way home from the Tiffany one and she'd found this crazy cute little green wool "skater" dress with a boat neck and scalloped hem that showed off her "ginger" and her little bitty waist really well.
She was still real thin like we're hoping models won't have to be much longer. Way thinner than my usual type. But when she came out of the dressing room in that little dress, it was obvious that that's still how most people want women to look.
All the clerks went nuts. And a lot of the women who were also about to try on the same dress made little comments, mostly playful, about how they should just put it back because they couldn't wear it like she did.
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It was kind of short for her tastes, though. So walked a little stiff at first, like she was afraid to let the skirt move at all. And the little heels she picked were giving her fits, so she held onto me for balance. Which I loved because she kept going, "Dammit," under her breath whenever she put a foot wrong. Wasn't all that often, but I kissed her every time.
