Drunk Eyes & Sober Hands // Jesse Rutherford & Zach Abels

◈ Cigarettes ◈

"HE SAID I WAS ENOUGH FOR HIM TO STOMP ON HIS CIGARETTE WHEN I PASSED BY."

◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈

"You're fucking kidding right?" I threw my head back in laughter as I took in the sight.

"Hey! Don't judge. I happen to think this makes me look chíc." Jesse scoffed, fluffing his hands over the furry coat he tried on. I raised my eyebrows at him, which made him scoff at me playfully.

"Five minutes." I said, pulling up my watch so I could see the time better in this dimly lit dressing room. He looked up at me and nodded, clicking his tongue at me.

"Alright, alright. But I'm going to get this jacket, no matter what you say!" He shouted at me, whirling his shirt around over his head as he closed the door to change back into his clothes. I made my way out of the store and leaned against the cold brick wall in front of the store. I inhaled the LA, almost midnight, air. Pretty peaceful, if you ask me. Enough to take my mind off of what the fuck was running through there about him. God, how I hate him. But shit, how I loved him. Probably was in love if I didn't know any better.

"And so I was there, sitting, admiring the god damn stars, when it hit me out of nowhere. I was fucking ruling it, dude." I heard a voice, from around the corner, boast. I turned my head to the side only to see two guys, leaning against the brick wall, smoking cigarettes. The brown haired guy laughed as he told his own story while the blonde blew smoke out of his mouth trying not to cough while he was laughing along with him. The only light that remarked off them was that of their cigarette buts. I smiled at them and blushed the slightest bit as the memories started to flood back into me. Shit. You're doing it again Lyssa. Stop. Stop it.

◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈◈

"Nobody has a lighter around here?" My friend, Bella, asked while she searched around the swarm of people passing us. I laughed at her attempt to try to get someone to light her up while she clutched a couple cigarettes. It was her time of the week to take a drag and I usually came with her, even though I never did smoke one before. She disappeared around the block when I turned around, and a couple seconds later, came back with two cigarettes lit in between her fingers.

"Two at once? New record Bel." I smiled, shaking my finger at her. She rolled her eyes playfully and handed me one of them. My eyes were glued to the burning smoke of the brown and white tint of the whole thing. Involuntarily, I took it into my fingers. I didn't want to. I knew I wasn't going to do it. I was too scared. Which was what I was so famously known for.

"Come on. It'll be fine, you've always been curious." She assured, taking the cig in her mouth and inhaling until the smoke filled the air around us in the gloomy, yet soothing, sky. I admired how skilled she was at it. I mean I've always watched Vines and videos of people smoking all the time but it all looked so impossible to get it right the first couple of tries. Bella nodded at me, seeing how much of a dumbass I looked like, so she left around the block to give me time and room to adjust. I stared at the one in my hand, raising it closer to my mouth, inhaling the obnoxious scent. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth.

"You know, cigarettes are bad for a pretty girl like you." I heard a voice from next to me say. I tilted my head and lowered my hand away from my mouth. I sighed in relief and started to smile like crazy.

"Jesse..." I blurted out, rushing over to him to hug him in thank you. He always was there to stop me from doing stupid shit that God knows I never really wanted to do. I don't know how Jesse does it, guess it's a natural instinct. His arms draped around my waist as mine were around his neck. I saw him smile as I tried to hug him with one hand. Without releasing from the hug, his hand found its way to lightly grab the cigarette away from my grasp and throw it to the ground, crushing it with his foot.

"Cigarettes don't suit you." He laughed, looking at me with his hands on my shoulders. I smiled but started to get extremely nervous when he came dangerously close to my face. He brushed the hair behind my ear and whispered into it. "You should do me instead. I'm healthier."

His hands led me eagerly to his house, which was around the street. I tried my best to keep up, knowing what he wanted. And what I wanted. He unlocked the door and fumbled to find his way to not trip over the door step. When we finally rushed inside, he pinned me up against the door, not even getting the chance to lock it shut.

"I fucking want you." He said through his teeth as he groped at my hips. I breathed heavily at the pressure his fingers were putting on me but amazed by how soothing it was that he was rubbing my skin in circles.

"I... I want you too. So much." I managed to stagger out, my heart beating faster than the speed that Jesse's eyes changed from light to lust. He smirked and crushed his lips against mine, cupping his hands around my face to make sure we wouldn't release. My hands made my way to run through his black tinted hair in an attempt to tell him to go further.

"God you don't even want to know what I want to do to you right now." He grunted out, his hands exploring every part of my body. I could tell he was getting annoyed with how clothed I was because he kept tugging at every hem I had. But, he didnt know if I was okay with it so he didn't rush it.

"Maybe I do?" I whispered in his ear, surprised at how well I was taking this. He smiled as I jumped into his arms so he could carry me upstairs to his bed. Shirts were thrown across the room, his ripped jeans piled up on top of my floral skirt in the corner. We were laying on the bed, as funny as it sounds, we were taking a quick break. But we were both still only left with underwear on.

"Didn't think you had it in you Lys." Jesse said, eyeing the hickies he had on his neck, on his iPhone camera. I turned over to my side to look at him while I covered myself with the sheets. He noticed me being shy so he tugged me closer to him. Almost spooning, to say the least. "You can't hide around me." His hands roamed my chest, grazing over my boobs, trailing down to my stomach. "You.." His hand slowly started to make its way down. "Are fucking.." His fingers trailed across the lining of my underwear. "Beautiful." His fingers rubbed the skin underneath my panties. I tried to smile but I couldn't help it. I breathed hard, substituting a moan.

"Fuck it." I said, before ripping off his underwear and tossing it to the edge of the bed. He laughed as he kissed me, hovering over me on the bed, holding my hands in his.

"Oh my god I love you." He said, before assuring me that he was about to go inside of me. I smiled and nodded my head, gripping the sheets, his tattooed arms holding my hips in place, making sure I was okay.

And there that night, Jesse and I.... well you know. It was sweet, not rough and just a stupid hookup. It was nice, which seemed so unlike Jesse. How did this boy even grow to fall in love with me? But then again how did I grow to fall in love with him? All I knew was that it was nothing but pure reassurance.

♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢

"I got here in four minutes so jokes on you!" Jesse stumbled out the store, with a shopping bag in hand. I didn't answer, I just plainly stared at the two boys, the memories still intact. "Lys?" He questioned, waving his hand in front of my face. He noticed where I was focused on and he took a glance for himself. I saw his eyes lurk on them for a while and then dart back to me, then back. He dropped his head focusing on the ground, now probably remembering that night I was just thinking about too. I took one last glance at him and started to clench my fist over and over again.

"I'm so... so sorry." I cried out softly, throwing my face into my hands to hide my tears. Jesse dropped his bags to the floor and took my hands in his.

"Me too Lyssa. Me too."