heres the start of the vicious cycle
i was already feeling like there was a knife stabbed into my heart but this, this burned the most and it wasn't a good burn, it was like the worst feeling in the world and i know it sounds cliche but in my small, still kinda innocent mind, it truly was the worst feeling in the world
i was just being my usual lazy self on the night of the last day of school, using my phone, watching youtube (i didn't have netflix at that time😪)
a good friend of mine sent me a picture of her conversation with my girl.
💗: look what ur girlfriend said
WHAT THE ACTUAL FK : me
💗: what do you want me to tell her
*types a long message* :me
send this to her please
💗: omg i feel like crying for you
don't cry for me : me
don't waste your tears on me
the words of every sad love song i knew played continuously
it was terrible, knowing the inevitable was going to happen really soon
what was in the conversation you may ask....
i was somewhat accused? of not treating my gf like i should have
why this bothered me so much? cause it was so untrue. yes, this is my first actual relationship and i'm definitely not as experienced in this area as my girlfriend. but i know enough. sure, maybe sometimes i ignored her, maybe sometimes she felt like i wasn't paying enough attention to her. but the truth is i always wanted to go up to her in between lessons and embrace her but instead, i usually waited for her to walk in my direction and give me a tight back hug.
i'm definitely not the dominant one in the relationship and i always wasn't sure what was "acceptable" and what was crossing the line in our relationship
but
i loved her, i was just always too shy.
i'm such a coward, i know.
/im sorry for my shitty writing/
YOU ARE READING
this holiday forgetting her
Randomi fall too fast, crush too hard, forgive too easily and care too much i never thought i would've gone through the kind of hurt that i went through but, life is just full of surprises- sometimes in the worst way possible
