P.S. (Please Stay)

Six

Olivia didn't reply to Harry's message. What could she say? She wanted to tell him 'me too' and make plans to see him again, but she couldn't. Olivia wondered why she even texted him in the first place. It was unnecessary, and unfair – to both Harry and Ben. But she also couldn't shake the desire to see him again.

On the morning of Christmas Eve, Olivia awoke with Harry on her mind. It wasn't unusual for her – though she wouldn't admit to it – but on the morning of her birthday, she ached for him. The desire was overpowering, and she hadn't had such a yearning for Harry in a very long time. She didn't know if it was because it was her birthday, Christmas Eve or the realisation she had to go home in only a few days, but she couldn't stop thinking about seeing him again.

With a sigh, she reminded herself to not think about Harry. Her reminder was futile, and he refused to leave her mind. Thoughts of Harry lingered as she tried to enjoy her birthday breakfast – prepared by her nieces and nephews with love, but nearly inedible. She put on a happy face, accepted the homemade cards and scratch-and-win tickets, but her only thought was how much fun she would have with Harry if he were with her. They would giggle together as they tried not to gag at the runny pancakes and weak coffee. He would covertly touch her leg under the table and she would slap his hand away until it was socially acceptable to leave the table. Then they would sneak away to the privacy of her room and spend the day making love.

Olivia wanted to smack herself. Her fiancé was a coast away, spending Christmas working night shifts in a life-threatening career, and she was spending her holidays thinking about making love with her ex-boyfriend. She never knew she was so heartless.

Still, after helping with the dishes, Olivia thanked her family for their generosity and announced she had Christmas wrapping to finish. She reassured them she would be back later for the annual Home Alone marathon before exiting Stephanie's apartment, careful to avoid either of her sister's eyes. They would see right through her fib. Olivia was certain they would, anyway.

She took the elevator to her studio suite and locked the door behind her. She wasn't going to spend the rest of her day wrapping presents – she'd wrapped her gifts as soon as she bought them – but she didn't know what she would do. Her eye caught Harry's t-shirt, folded on the dresser, and she knew what she wanted to do. How could she though?

However, she did have to return the t-shirt.

Olivia groaned at her inner debate. If she saw Harry, it would be nothing but a disaster. Her feelings were already stronger than they should be and seeing him would only prolong her emotions. But she seemed to have no control over her actions.

Before she talked herself out of it, she grabbed the t-shirt and shoved it into her purse, stumbling over her feet as she yanked on her jacket and boots and bolted from the apartment.

Half an hour later, Olivia stepped out of the cab in front of Harry's apartment. I'm just returning the shirt, she lied to herself. She let out a loud exhale, wondering if it was too late to turn back. It wasn't, but she also didn't want to.

She stood at the bottom of the stoop as the taxi drove off, staring up at the brick building. Her legs felt cemented to the ground, unable to move despite her prior rush to get to Harry's home. She wasn't naïve; she knew what would happen once she was alone with Harry. As much as she wanted to, she as much didn't want to. She had no idea which side would win.

Olivia huffed out a sigh, dropping her purse onto the stairs like a toddler about to throw a fit. As she bent to pick it up, she reminded herself that she was now in her mid-thirties and shouldn't act like a brat. She reached for her purse and flopped onto the bottom step, resting her chin in her hands. Her next move was a conundrum. She didn't want to text Harry. For reasons she couldn't quite figure out, she wanted to show up at his front door without him expecting her. Maybe she wanted to see if he was spending Christmas Eve day with his girlfriend. Maybe she figured a surprise would be romantic. No, that couldn't be it. Could it?