P.S. (Please Stay)

Thirteen

 It had been two weeks since Harry's surprise call to Olivia, and it was still all she could think about. Despite her asking him not to call her again, a part of her wished he would. He wouldn't – he was far too respectful to go against her wishes – but hearing his voice again was the only thing on her mind.

It was a particularly stormy day in April and Olivia felt as gloomy as the sky outside. Sporadically getting calls to work reminded Olivia how much she hatred subbing. The kids were harder to handle, the routine was non-existent and eating lunch in the staff room made Olivia feel like the new kid in town every day. She was far from happy with her career and her relationship was getting more strangled by the day, but she didn't know how to feel satisfied again.

Well, she had one idea, but it wasn't a feasible one.

She pushed open the front door and dropped her purse on the table. Further into the house, she saw the kitchen sink, piled full of dirty dishes. She let out an exasperated sigh. Olivia always made sure to have the house and dinner in order when Ben was working and she wasn't. It was only fair. But he rarely showed her the same courtesy. But, of course, Olivia never voiced her displeasure either. As far as Ben knew, she didn't care about dirty dishes. But she did. There was nothing more frustrating than coming home after a bad day to a dirty house.

She sighed again as she kicked her shoes off, ensuring her exhale was loud enough for Ben to hear from the next room. However, it was all she would do. Getting angry at Ben for not doing the dishes wouldn't accomplish anything. He wouldn't fight back and she would still be the one to do the dishes. It was easier to simply sidestep the issue.

"Ben, you home?" she called out instead. She heard the television in the living room, and when Ben didn't answer, Olivia peered through the doorway. "What are you –"

Ben sat on the couch, not meeting Olivia's eyes as she looked at him. Her breath caught in her throat and a heavy weight fell into her stomach as she saw her 'Mr and Mrs' notebook in his hands. He kept his eyes on her secret writings, silently reading the words. Olivia struggled to find something to say to him, but nothing would come close to being the right words.

"Dear Harry," Ben recited from the book, his voice tight. "Today is Valentine's Day. Ben's working tonight. I know I should be disappointed, but it wouldn't be right when I can't get you off my mind..." He let the words hang in the air, keeping his head down.

"Ben, I..." Olivia began. She didn't know what to tell him, but she had to say something.

Ben looked up, his eyes dark with anger. "All this time I thought you were writing your vows in here..." he said shortly, flipping through the pages before he continued reading her letters to Harry. "How am I supposed to do this? I can't marry someone who's not you." Ben tossed the notebook to the floor as he stood up. "So why the hell are you then?"

"I..." Olivia croaked out, mentally kicking herself for being unable to give Ben the words and explanation he deserved. "You weren't supposed to read those," she said instead, cringing. Those were not the words she should say to Ben.

"You weren't supposed to write those!" Ben exploded, kicking the notebook across the floor. Olivia hadn't ever seen Ben react in such a way and, for a moment, it was terrifying. "And in our fucking wedding notebook? You wanted me to find this!"