chapter nineteen: angry

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Right when we get to the library, we hit the books hard. I'm reading an ancient book about how Derry became a town, a bunch of boring history stuff. We research for hours before going outside and taking a lunch break, where we eat hungrily and discuss what we've found today. Soon after lunch, it's back to the books.

 Soon after lunch, it's back to the books

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We read until the sun begins to fade. I catch myself daydreaming a few times before giving up on the book and turning to Bill.

"Was blueberry picking fun yesterday?" I ask him.

He darts his eyes over to me for a second. "Yeah, would've been better if G-G-Georgie was there, though," he mumbles and looks back to his book.

"I went down to the sewers yesterday, to where I saw the clown, looking for him," I say with a smile.

Bill sits up abruptly and looks at me with his undivided attention. "With Eddie or Stan or Richie or one of them, r-r-right?" He asks.

"No, by myself," I say, and smile, but Bill doesn't. His expression is almost betrayal, and anger. "What's wrong?" I ask. His mouth opens and closes, and he blinks.

"What's WRONG?!" He finally says, raising his voice. I cringe as the librarian glares at us. "Are you fucking with me right now Nevada? You, a tiny little five foot two girl went down to the sewers where some sort of terrible monster is?" He asks. I nod my head. "Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. That's so fucking s-s-stupid, Nevada."

My heart drops, what's wrong with him? "Bill, maybe we should take this outside."

"Yeah, maybe," he slams the book closed and storms out of the building, I run after him.

"What's wrong?" I ask as he walks to our bikes with long strides. "Bill, you know I can't keep up with you when you walk this fast, your legs are way longer than mine."

He halts and pivots, and I'm surprised to see there are tears welling in his eyes. "Nevada. Do you know how fucking unsafe that is?" His voice breaks and he inhales sharply. "Theres a fucking killer- or kidnapper," he corrects himself, "on the loose." He shakes his head. "And you go out alone, to find it?"

"You've gone out to find Georgie alone," I point out, taking a step toward him.

"Yeah but that's different. You're... You're..." He pauses.

"What? Because I'm a girl?" I ask, and roll my eyes and run a hand through my hair.

"No! No, no, because you're... You're my Nevie," he says. My heart skips a beat. "You're my favorite person in th-this unf-f-air fucking world. I lost Georgie, Nev, and I don't know how I could g-g-go on if I lost you. I c-can't lose you, I... I j-just can't." I look into his eyes, swimming with tears, and I step forward to hug him, but to my surprise, he leans in and kisses me softly on the lips. 

I move my lips with his, and we kiss, right there in the lawn of the Derry Public Library. When we pull away, we lock eyes for a moment. He looks so perfect, the golden hour sun hitting his face and making his eyes look brighter than ever, and his lips full. There's the same crease between his eyebrows from frowning, and his pale skin is glowing. I want to grab him and pull him close and never let go, but we just stand, facing each other.

"The sun's about to set," I say. "Wanna go to the quarry and watch?" He just nods and grabs his bike. 

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