Just Breathe

Part Twelve

  "Alright. See you both then," my father spoke on the phone before he lifted it from the side of his head and clicked it off. I was sitting on the couch in our living room at that moment, taking a break from my room and changing the scenery. I had my journal glued in my hands as I continued writing in it, although my entries were much nicer now than before. When I used to talk and write about my clique and share the memories we had together, which mostly involved us being rude to others. I hadn't seen any of them since I had been back, but you can bet they called me a lot. Calling me and asking to meet up and see me again, but I always gave the excuse that I was busy. The truth was, I just didn't want to see them. Sure, they could have changed like I did, but just being with them, or just the thought of them reminded me of the way I used to be, and I didn't want to remember her anymore. I don't think I will ever see those friends again, like Sam and Heather and Amy. I don't want to see them. Sure, Dalyville is a small town and I will most likely run into them, but I no longer want to associate with them, I want to lose them completely. I used to know them, and they seem like the girls who will never change. Although, I too was one of those girls. And look at me now.

  "Who was that?" I asked as I looked up from my blue journal and flared at my father who was just entering the living room.

  "Hmm? Oh, that was Billy. Him and Jake are coming over for dinner tonight," he informed me as I had an off feeling. Oh great. Just perfect. More people to stare at me and make the room feel awkward. And as I did not reply, I guess my dad picked up on my vibe. "Is that alright?" he asked in a confused way, waiting for my answer.

  "I don't know. It's just, I don't want it to be awkward. It seems like everyone I see now don't know what to say to me, and the room becomes silent quick right as I walk into it," I told him how I felt and what I picked up, and he seemed to understand.

  "I know honey. I know that must be hard, because I know what that's like, I too have had moments where I don't know what to say around you, and the air feels tense. But we'll keep the topic off you, ok? We'll talk about other things, and I'll make sure of that," he added, trying to reassure me, and as it did help a little, it also didn't in the same way. Yeah. Lots of people try not to make things awkward around me, but it turns out that way anyways.

  I tried to get my mind off the subject as my father left the room, and I went back to writing in my journal.

May 6th, 2018

I don't know how to feel about this situation. Not about the dinner tonight, but about the phone call I got from him the other day. I feel a bit better, knowing the police have my phone and are trying to trace that call. And also knowing there are two police vehicles outside my house, but I still can't shake the feeling that he is close by. Watching. Waiting. Waiting for me to go out alone? Perhaps. Or waiting to strike again. What would happen if I did go out alone the next time. Would he kill me right there on the spot? Or take me again and wait it out. Try everything all over again, and the same fate would happen. On a continues loop. Like never ending. Maybe. Or maybe he's only trying to haunt me. Scare me. I don't know, that doesn't seem like him. I feel like if he saw me next he would kill me. But I don't like to think about that. My heart is racing and the butterflies are flapping away in my stomach just by writing all of this. Speaking it in my head. I'm scared. But the police called us this morning, and they said they think they were getting somewhere. The call seems to be pin pointing somewhere, and they're trying to find it now. Hopefully they do find out soon, and this nightmare can be over. And then, maybe I can tell them the truth. Maybe. Or perhaps that's only wishful thinking.

  The night later came faster than I thought. It wasn't like I was dreading the dinner or anything, it was just that I wasn't too fond of dinners, especially now. And, considering I seemed to always be the topic of discussion lately, which did not feel great. But I just had to get used to that for awhile, and eventually—hopefully soon—that would all die down.