I'll find you

35. Ex-Girlfriends

Emily's POV

"Holy shit!" Melina said, making Alison look at her with her eyes widened.

"What? You know her too? And you didn't tell me??" Ali asked now getting mad.

Fuck!

I never told Alison about my other girlfriends except for Maya and Paige. And I'm sure Ali just doesn't hate Maya cause she's gone, I mean everytime she saw Paige... God if looks could kill.

"No! I just realized that-" Melina was saying but I shot her a look to tell her to shut up,
"I-I got something to do, you girls have fun."

Great!

As Melina basically ran out of the Rose, Alison looked back at me with that look that still gave me goosebumps, this was the old bitchy Alison. And god, she wasn't happy at all.

"Uhm... I, I do know Samara. She uh she was in Rosewood High for some swim meetings." I said nervously, trying to as careful as I could with my words.
Alison kept looking at my face as if she was analyzing me to see if I was hiding something. I got more and more uncomfortable because I was hiding something. But I also knew that if I told her, she'd be jealous for no reason. Samara and I were never a real thing but knowing Alison like I do, I know that won't matter to her.

"Aaand?" She asked knowing there was more to the story.

I swallowed hard before continuing, god, I felt like a 7 year old kid that lied to her mother.
"After we met at Rosewood High she found out about my secret, about Danby Scout and covered up for me with my mom. We got close and for a short time we kinda... dated."
As I said those words, I was waiting to see anger in Alison's eyes, but instead I saw a little of sadness, which to be honest made me feel even worse.

"What happend?" She asked still looking at me, her voice low.

"Besides the fact that I was still madly in love with you?" I said with a little smile that made her chuckle.
" -A happend."
She nodded slowly,
"Sorry if I overreacted, it's just..." She stoped before continuing, like if she wasn't sure she wanted to say it.
I took her hand in mine and nodded, so she'd know she could say what she wanted.

"Emily... I never told you this but, I always felt guilty when some ex of yours shows up. I do feel jealous but inside... I mean when you told me about Maya, I saw how much it hurt you to lose her. How much you missed her. With Pig- Paige! With Paige, it was a weird story if you want me to be honest, I mean I know I was never the perfect girlfriend but I never tried to kill you." As she said this as a matter of fact, I rolled my eyes with a smile on my face, she really hated the girl.

"But I could see that you cared for her too. And they obviously cared a lof for you and I feel that... I destroyed every relationship you had. If it wasn't me maybe you'd be with one of them and-" I stopped her before she could continue,
"Alison, it was not your fault. It was not your fault that I fell in love with you so deeply that, no one ever managed to get my love in the same way you got. And even if they did, I already told you that I'd choose you over and over again."

"Emily you don't know that, I mean if Maya was still alive, are you really sure we'd be here right now? Together?"

With that she made me silent. I never thought about it before. My feelings for Maya were very strong and when I lost her I felt like...
"When the police found 'your body', I-I felt numb, I couldn't feel anything anymore it was like... losing you was like losing me too I guess. And when Maya came and she showed me how she felt about me, I felt like I needed it. I needed to feel something again. And when she died, I remember to think to myself, 'Will they all die?' Because I love you and I lost you. Than it was Maya, than Paige with the whole issue hat I couldn't love her because I had you and I could never love her as much. I felt like I'd never have a relationship with anyone. But Ali... Even if she was still alive, even if Paige would've accepted the fact that I'd never forget you, even if Samara had been a real thing, I'd always come back to you."
She looked at me with those sad eyes, I don't think she'll ever be able to forgive herself for what happend in the past.