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Prologue: Letter to Efrain Harris

November 1st, 2018

Hey, there.
I am terribly sorry that I have to yet again appear before your eyes, but I swear to God, this one will be my last (at least for sometimes in a while).

I would like to apologize for what happened between us in the early months of the year; to have knocked your door in a hasty manner, though I am clearly not a wanted guest. Let me bid you one last goodbye. A secret act I did only to find a peace of my own mind.

It has been years that I have been learning how to love myself, your presence proved to be such a huge help in the way I do. Trust me, Efrain, in this deep hatred I have for myself, meeting you is one part of the many things I love about life. You always succeed to bring out the best version of me in these 21 years of struggling to love myself. And I have loved myself ever since then; the version of me when I am with you.

But please allow me to be kind to myself, to do what I have always wanted to do, to love myself as a whole and not for the way you are a part of me. Let me love myself and all the flaws I have within me. Let me love myself with this big hole at the center part of my heart now that you were absent to fill the blank.

If only God chooses to have us meet again sometimes in the future, I hope it'll be in so much better condition then. You are yours on your own and I am mine in all my glory. Maybe then we won't be so afraid if love comes to love, but right now you're just a poison to my mind as I am a sword to your heart.

I still wish we meet again, someday, somehow; in time where God thinks it is perfect for us but until the day comes, farewell. Wishing you the best of luck on your way.

Love, Constance.
(a.k.a. your Love)

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