Aubade | J.J.K FF ✔

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when you stumble home that night, all you know is that it's late. the lazy day was spent fighting with your now ex boyfriend and, as a person who doesn't shed tears in front of anyone, you start crying once your apartment door is safely closed behind you, the thud initiating the domino effect which promptly starts the waterworks.

you cry your heart out and it isn't that sappy, pretty shit you see in movies. it's messy. eyeliner dribbling down your face, mascara making you look like the deformed sibling of a raccoon you see by the dumpster each night, and your lipstick smeared all over the bottom half of your face from when you rubbed it some ten minutes ago, a red stain akin to blood. as your legs grow weak under you, you not-so-gracefully fall down on the floor; a weeping, heaving mess of emotions.

he was cheating. you knew that. you knew each time he would leave a date early, excuses about being called for his job. you knew each time he would come to a date late, hair mussed, hickeys littering his neck, and the smell of women's perfume following him like a stray dog.

you knew he was going behind your back with your best friend. sure, it may have been the stolen glances between each other that they hoped you wouldn't see but you always did that tipped you off. it may have been the sneaking hands as they sat next to each other, their faces going scarlet whenever you innocently asked them if something was wrong.

it was definitely the time when his name would pop up on her phone with a, "you down for tonight 🍆🍑😏😜" every single time the two of you hung out. it was definitely the time when you would go to his place to surprise him only to hear loud moans even from the outside of his door. 

he didn't know you knew. he laughed about your obliviousness when he was actually the ignorant one. the ignoramus and the fool; a match made in hell.

you wanted to go to him, head held high, and tell him "we're over" and turn around, all badass. but you weren't that badass heroine you saw in the movies. you were a girl who got pushed around while trying to help. the girl people would call only if there was work to be done. the girl people would use for their amusement before throwing you away like a piece of tissue.

maybe that was why he cheated, you thought to yourself every single time you would land up in this position, curled up on the cold floor as sobs would wrack your body. you gave him everything, yet this is what you got in return, you would whisper each time to yourself, trying to make yourself hate him. 

but every time you saw him, your words of "i want to break up" were swallowed in your throat as you kissed him once more, trying to make a dead relationship work. 

"i'm so stupid," you whisper to the empty, cold room. "i love him."

it all boiled down to that one fact, that one fact that you hated with every fiber of your being. a fact that if it was an organ of your body, you would waste no time in cutting out with your bare hands and a sharp scalpel, but only under heavy sedation. 

the fact that you still love the bastard. 

that after all the cheating, all the lies, you still love him. 

that after everything, it wasn't his fault that you stayed by his unloyal ass, but that it was yours.

it was that night that you stay huddled on that cold floor until the night touched day. their reunion was at such an ungodly hour but it was beautiful; the sinner's dark blended into the angel's light to create a place where life is at a standstill. wearily standing to your feet, you stumble to the tiny balcony that can only fit a minuscule chair to meet this quiet peace.

the sky is a dusty colour and the sun, much like you, is wearily rising, slowly pushing the darkness away and you wish that it could do the same to you. 

it's then that you hear an angel sing. 

it's then that the darkness inside you began to flee.

731 words