My Thoughts

Sibling

A sibling is someone who has the same parents as you. People often say that they are suppose to be your best friend for life. That's a lot of crap. Although I will admit that is sounds great. Aren't they suppose to stay by your side always.

Are siblings supposed to be embarrassed by you? Are they suppose ignore you until they need something? Are they suppose to pretend you don't even exist when they are with their friends? Are they suppose to act that way? I thought siblings where suppose to encourage you not let you down. Were they suppose to leave you behind when you are on the ground alone? Why are you like that, sis?

What did I ever do wrong? Every time I see that hate in your eyes, I feel a piece of my heart die. I yell back at you to hide it and you respond with "I hate you" or anything similar. I had always hoped that somewhere in you there was that big older I saw when we were younger. Before you went to middle school. Before you got your phone. Before...before you changed. Where is the sister I knew. The one who'll always defend me when I was in trouble. Who was by my side when I cried. I would see that sister once in a while and it'll always give me hope. Hope that she's still in there. But it's gone as fast as it appeared, leaving me with a stranger.

I'm giving up hope. I should of done that a long time ago when I first saw how much you really changed. You changed the most in seventh grade. What happened to my kind, loving sister? The one who never cared about perfect pictures and keeping up with social media. Where's the sister I used to watch movies with and spend time with me. Now, all you do is go straight to your room and go on your  phone. You  wear clothes that reveals a lot of skin. You always go hang out with your friends. You are popular and you have to, always, take at least ten minutes to choose your clothes. What happened to the one who would rather spend time with family and threw on whatever clothes you had? You say that my comments  and actions are irreverent. I feel like you also think that I am also irreverent. Whenever I ask a for a repeat you look at me with a disgusted or annoyed look. What happen to the sister who was always patient to me?

I still remember the good old times before everything. Whenever we got into a fight you would say sorry right after and actually mean it. Or you'll make a card and give it to me in apology. I still have all of them, but you threw away all of mine away. You made an envelope for me to hold all my stickers in and I still have. I'll look at it from time to time, but you lost all memory of it. We used to play tea house pretend that we had a secret club that only we can enter. You have know idea what I'm talking about when I bring it up. I even remember the house that we made I had to throw it out. I felt bad about of because of the memory of making it but you didn't seem to understand why I cared for it so much. Fortunately, I was able to keep a part of it. I remember all the memories of us, but you don't.

I feel like you moved on and I am just a burden to you. This my way of saying I'm letting you go. Although you'll never be able to read this, I hope you'll continue to be happy around everyone who accept you for who you are. I know I'll be stuck in the past and I know that every attempt I make to see that old you annoys you. I just want you know that'll always love you no matter how cold you are towards me.