Trip Across The Ocean (Jalex, bxb)

Chapter 7

"You ready?" he beamed at me, his sunglasses reflecting my worried face, my suitcases at my feet.

"Yeah..." I trail off. "What about my guitar? Can I take it? It means a lot to me..."

"Oh, god, yeah! Of course! The crew will take care of it dude," he smiled. His hair was flawlessly styled, blow dried up into a quiff, guessing some gel at work there too, the faded blue streak in his hair looking very pretty in the sunlight. It was a nice day. Sunny, but not too sunny. My favourite. My stomach was bubbling with anxiety all morning as I got my final things together, getting ready to leave. He helped me carry my bags to the tour bus, leaving me to lock up and post my key through the letterbox, sighing contentedly as I took a last look at my small apartment, finally being able to move forward. I sat in the front lounge with Jack, surrounded by the rest of Panic!, Matt, and some crew members. I was anxious, diverting my gaze to my nails, as if they were more interesting than being in a tour bus with my favourite band. 

"So," started Brendon, catching my attention from the couch opposite, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, his fingers laced together. "How long you been a fan?" 

"Uhh," my throat closed up just at talking with him, making me stutter over my words. I felt Jack's arm wrap around me, squeezing my shoulder. It was a "bro" kinda thing, but something about his touch made me sweat, in a way I haven't before. I shrugged it off however, guessing it was just nerves.

"Relax dude, he's not gonna bite your head off," he laughed, retreating his hand, though I wish he didn't as I was beginning to relax into his touch. I was a bitch for affection, be it they way my mum used to hold my hand, or the way Oli would cuddle me at night, the way my old friends would bro hug me in high school, it would always bring me peace. 

"Since the beginning of 2008 I think, I was 8 when I came across your music on YouTube, my friends brother used to listen to you loads," I smiled at the memory, thinking back to the way Jordan's brother would play the air guitar along to the Fever album, making a fool of himself to entertain two 8 year olds that he was forced to babysit. I admit that being 8 years old I didn't know half the songs were about strippers and sex. I glanced at him, watching his face drop a little but that million dollar smile was back on his face within miliseconds, and if I didn't know the reason behind his face dropping, I would have dismissed it, but I knew. He missed the old members. I could sense it, even in the song lyrics in this album. Hell, its hard to listen to any of the songs about pre-split Panic! without getting emotional. As a song writer I'm able to decipher what songs are about, it's not difficult providing his past and his past relationship.

"Damn dude," he chucked lightly. "I'll drink to that," he grinned, lifting his beer and taking a sip. It took around an hour to get there, the drive was awkward as hell, though they showed me round the tour bus, showed me their bunks, we jammed to some of their songs, Brendon played an acoustic of Hey Look Ma, I Made It after I told him it was my favourite on the new record, and god his voice is even more perfect when he's sitting right there in front of me, singing, acoustic, no microphone, no screaming fans, not through my earphones. God.  

*

"Hey, Alex. Chill out," he soothed, placing his hand on my thigh again, that god forsaken place. He rubbed the area up and down softly and I had to look out of the window. It always gave me butterflies being touched there. No matter who by. It was a skin crawling feeling when someones hand came in contact with that fucking part of my body. He could sense I was tense. Hell, I was on the edge of a panic attack, I hated flights. And this one happened to be almost 9 hours. Fuck. I felt the plane set off, some words coming through the speakers but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying as blood rushed to my ears and all I could hear was the buzzing of my blood flow and my heartbeat.I dug my nails into the arm rest, though my right hand was quickly pulled away by Jack and laced with his fingers. I immediately felt myself relax into his hand, did I mention being a bitch for affection?

I dug my nails into his hand and I knew it, but he didn't say anything, just rubbed his thumb on the back of my hand relaxing me until I fully calmed down. 

"So how did your family take it? Having to leave so early, I mean," he asked gently, turning his head to face me. 

"Well uhh, I don't really have a family," I muttered, looking down at our hands. He was still holding mine. "My mum died when I was 12 and I ran away from home at 16 and cut off from my dad."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, I shrugged. "Well, you're joining a family now darling." I looked up at him and he was grinning, and I could feel my insides going mushy at his words and that smile of his. He made me nervous, though I wasn't sure why.