Thoughts

99

My girlfriend thinks I should get back in touch with my therapist and go back to therapy for my trust issues. As much as I'd like to get help, therapy won't exactly work. I lie a lot of the time, I feel very uncomfortable, and I don't trust my therapist. I know there's a doctor-patient confidentiality and all that, but you never know when they may talk behind your back. Give them nothing to talk about. Simple. Not to mention, they got in the way of me eating. Do you know how much work it was to convince them I was getting better slowly over months so I could wait until the right moment to stop the appointments? Do you know how exhausting it was having to smile and hide those few moments of rage whenever something she said or the way she acted pissed me off? I'd rather not go back to those appointments. I got out of them for a reason. I don't need help anyway. I can handle it on my own. I can just do it myself. I'm alive and not depressed most of the time aren't I? I manage to live my life perfectly fine don't I? I have a couple people who I can trust haven't I? So why do I need the extra help? It's not like I'm gonna die. So why should I go back to therapy? I can handle it and fix things on my own. I'll be perfectly fine. I can handle things. I can mostly keep myself from doing stupid shit, but I guess the fact that I'm underage and can't drive helps with that. But nonetheless. If I'm gonna go to therapy, it won't be with that therapist. She's a nice enough person, I suppose. But not one I rather like. Oh well. And no matter what, I ain't going back to those appointments. That's why I am not letting my parents know about my anxiety, why I'm not letting them know I don't sleep at night unless I have an excuse such as it was hot and stuffy. They don't need to know and I can handle it on my own. It gets hard sometimes, but I can do it.

On another note, I'm exhausted but can't sleep. It's not real hot or anything tho it can be occasionally. I just can't sleep. Bleh. I'm just gonna shut up and try to sleep for now. And to be fair, I did stay up watching YouTube and playing on my DS until now. But I'm ready to sleep so I'd like to sleep. So I will try to sleep. Goodnight.