The Inevitable

Chapter 4 Inevitable

She stood at the entrance, finding herself unable to go in. She had never gone and looked. She had never been back here. It seemed like just a small blip on the screen of a life she didn't really know.

She walked through slowly and looked around, searching for the name. And finally she came to it. She stood in front of the stone and let her mind take in the information. Information that she didn't really want to take in, that she didn't want to accept.

That what had happened to her had killed him. He had died less than a year after she was gone. Her Charlie, who was a vague memory, one she could pull up but never fully focus on. She remembered for the most part what he had looked like. She had vague memories of fishing and sports. But they were dull, and never held strongly in her mind.

But she did remember she had loved him. She remembered that he had loved her. And that one moment had ripped him out of her life forever.

It was a strange kind of irony that she had wanted so desperately to be changed, that she felt it was the only life for her, the only life she wanted. And that when she was it ripped away the only chance of a life she had.

As dull as her memories of human life had become, there was one that never, ever faded. Edward. Her mind held desperately to him, a vivid color in her mind that was surrounded by gray. She didn't remember many things clearly. But she remembered him perfectly. She could close her eyes and still paint a perfect picture of his face. She could smell him, taste him on her lips. She could imagine the touch of his skin, the feel of his lips on hers. She remembered the soft velvet voice, and the shivers he sent down her.

It was a terrible kind of torture, that the only thing she could see or remember clearly was the one who had brought this all on. She had wanted to be changed only to be with Edward. She had wanted eternity, but only if it included him. And then he had left her, he had told her he didn't want her; not for eternity, and not for the moment. And he had destroyed the only world she could have ever imagined having.

The only memory she had besides Edward that was somewhat clear was Jacob. Her sun; her precious friend who had come and picked up the pieces of her shattered heart, her shattered life. Other than Edward, he had been the most important thing in her life. And before she had been changed she was starting to realize a few things. She remembered thinking she could be with Jacob. That she might never be whole or complete with him, but that she could be something with him. That even though she was full of broken pieces that she might be able to let him come into her heart, let him hold together what he could. She knew she could've loved him, not like she loved Edward, but still enough to make a relationship, a life with him. And that, like everything else, had been ripped away from her. Her mind went back to the day she had relived over and over again. The one memory, besides those of Edward, that for some reason was crystal clear.

She remembered being at home, being so frustrated that she had to be constantly watched and babysat, that she was putting the entire pack in danger. She remembered that she hadn't wanted them to fight Victoria, but that they were determined to kill her. So there was always someone there, someone watching. She remembered it wasn't Jacob watching when it happened, that someone else had taken over so he could get some sleep. She remembered being in the kitchen pacing back and forth. She had been thinking of Jacob, thinking about just letting herself go, letting herself be with him and have something; not exactly what she wanted, but something that could make her relatively happy.

She remembered turning to pace the other way; and there stood Victoria, her hair wild, her eyes wide and anxious. She stopped abruptly, her breath catching in her throat. Every minute detail from that point on stuck in her mind like glue. She remembered Victoria's laugh, the high, shrill sound. She remembered not moving a muscle, not saying a word, just staring. And praying that Jacob would come. He was the first thing she thought of, just please let him come, she had said over and over in her mind.