The Inevitable

Chapter 21 Explanations

He heard Alice's thoughts as she entered the house. She was reciting the periodic table of elements in French. He was sure she had gone after Bella to talk and now wanted to hide whatever they had discussed.

He merely sighed, making no effort to move. He lay flat on his couch, his feet propped up on one end, his head on the other, his arm draped over his eyes. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to expect. Would Bella come to him wanting to talk? Was he supposed to wait an appropriate amount of time and then go after her? What was an appropriate amount of time? And what exactly would he say if and when he did seek her out?

Should he apologize more? Try and explain better? Wait and see what she had to say? Would she even have anything to say to him? She had been angry, hurt, when she had left. Would that be better or worse the next time he saw her?

He heard the soft steps shuffle across the floor quietly. He waited for Alice to rap on the door. He was surprised when it opened and closed briskly.

He moved his arm, his eyes going wide as Bella stood in front of him, hands on her hips, her face unreadable. He scrambled off the couch, standing and running his hand nervously through his hair.

He cleared his throat. "Uhh…Bella?"

"You…are an idiot Edward," she said, though there was very little anger in her voice.

"Yes…yes I am," he conceded, a small smile playing on his lips.

She began pacing across the room from him. "How could you just leave like that, and leave me here? How could you think I could just get over you? Why didn't you ever come back for me?"

She stopped pacing and looked at him expectantly. She wasn't just ranting. She wanted answers.

He sighed loudly. "Bella, I really did think I was doing the best thing for you. I was determined then for you to stay human…for you to stay safe. And then we suddenly became a danger to you. I didn't want to see you hurt. I thought I would leave and you could move on…to someone who wasn't threatening your life on a daily basis."

"I know the why Edward," she said in an exasperated tone. "I want to know how. I want to know how you could possibly think I would get over you. I want to know why you thought my love could just fade away like that. And I don't want to hear that stupid 'you were a human' stuff. You know our relationship was far beyond some human thing. I want to know how, if you really felt that way, you could walk away from me. Because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I could never, ever, have walked away from you."

Her voice lost some of its vehemence there near the end. She quieted, her angry stance faltering, but her intent gaze never left him. He could see how badly she needed these answers. And he wondered how much more he could screw this up.

He decided probably not much more than he already had. He sank back down to the couch, his elbows resting on his knees.

"It was…always very hard for me to believe you loved me that way," he said quietly. "And as much as you said you did."

"So you thought I was lying?" she demanded harshly.

"No, no, no," he went on quickly. "What I mean, is that…well…well first off Bella, you have to understand that, to me…you were this absolute perfect being. And I…was not. You were this innocent, beautiful, unknowing human. You saw me, you were drawn to me…but all humans were. You were seeing me at my best. But you had never seen me at my worst. You had never seen the despicable things I had done. And to me…that's what I was. That horrible monster, who had done those horrible things. Who was only that much more selfish for wanting you at my side after…all of that."