The Inevitable

Chapter 13 Opening Up

Edward stood looking out the window. He finally closed his eyes tightly and began pacing again.

He blamed himself a hundred times a day for what had happened to Bella. He didn't need another reminder. Especially the reminder he had gotten today.

He had seen so many images in Jacob's mind. Images he knew must have been Bella when he had first left. She had looked awful. Skinny and pale. Frail looking and…dead somehow. How many times had he killed her? Her spirit, her mind. How had he put the one person he loved most in this world through so much?

He had seen images of Bella and Jacob together. He had slowly seen Bella transform, not into her old self, but into someone that was at least alive somehow. And he knew Jacob had done that. That not only had Jacob become someone special to her, but that he had repaired damage that Edward had caused.

And he had seen how much Jacob had loved her. How much he had wanted to be with her. Something in him still loved her. Not the way he had then, but there was still something there. He had wanted to give Bella a life; the kind of life Edward had wanted her to have. When Jacob had looked at Bella he had seen his future. That thought hurt Edward in so many ways.

A part of him was angry that Jacob had thought of her that way. He felt like such a hypocrite. Jacob had wanted to give her the kind of life he had left so she could have, and a part of him, a large part, hated him for it. He couldn't stand for anyone else to look at Bella that way.

In Edward's mind Bella belonged to him. It was not a thought he could let go of. He knew he had no right to claim her in any way; but he still did. And seeing Jacob's mind, seeing the claim he had once had to her, tore him apart.

And at the same time it hurt him that she had never had the opportunity to have that life with him. He knew that Jacob had really loved her; that he would have taken care of her, would have tried his best to make her happy. Would have given her the life that Edward had dreamed and prayed she would have.

But he had seen images of Bella rejecting Jacob too. And, as selfish as it was, it made him happy. He knew it was because of him; because of them. Because of what they had had. Jacob had known that, and had still fought so hard for her.

The worst image had come when Jacob had made his threat, if you could call it that. He saw Bella lying on the floor, writhing in agony. He saw her through Jacob's eyes when she had been changed. He saw the blood at her neck. He saw her wide, terrified eyes. He saw them plead with Jacob to save her. And he saw the pain on her face when he had left her.

It was starting to feel like there would never be a way to make things right with her. That there would never be anything he could do to make up for everything he had done to her. His chest tightened horribly at that thought, at the thought that he would never be able to make it better. He had to make things better for Bella.

And he needed to be with her. He needed his life to be with her, in every way it could be. The urge to reach out and touch her, hold her, kiss her, became stronger each day. But he didn't feel like he was getting closer to that point.

He wanted so desperately to fix her, to heal her. To rebuild her faith, her hope, her trust in him. He needed to do that, more than he had ever needed to do anything.

"Edward."

He spun around quickly, pulled immediately from his thoughts of Bella…by Bella. He hadn't even heard her come in. She shut the door quietly behind her and just stood there, looking at him. Her eyes weren't the soft brown color they had been so long ago, but they still had the same effect on him. Getting lost in them was still the best feeling he had ever experienced.