How to Find Purpose and Peace: Why Am I Here?

CHAPTER NINETEEN : Sad Times

It can be really hard. The doll drone of daily dissidence, the harrowing horror of day-to-day life. Awaking to the blaring alarm clock. Fighting off sleep. The in-between murk of not really knowing where you are, dusting off the fairy dust of rest and dream. The cold. The stress of the morning, trying to get ready so you're not late for work. A marionette, a cog in the machine. It can be really difficult when you find yourself at a job that you didn't really think you'd end up at. Sometimes it's not easy to give up the safe comfort of a steady paycheck, to take a risk at something new.

I think that this burden of living can be a good thing. It reminds us that this isn't really our home. I know at my old job I would feel totally overwhelmed, where I just stare at the wall in panic. The realization that I have to go through this every day (not weekends) is a little saddening. Most days weren't calm and we had been understaffed and overworked in our department. I still didn't feel comfortable in my position even though it had been months. New curveballs came every day, and I had to tackle things that I didn't know how to handle. I appreciated the variety, but too much of the unknown can be overwhelming. Some days I felt like crying, some days I feel like calling in sick. I would glance at job postings online, but nothing seemed that interesting. The process of searching for a new job really sucks.

I remember the fear. The discouragement. Of sending application after application into the abyss: having the few interviews I had fall through the cracks, and not being able to have a real conversation but just having to "sell yourself." That's what interviews kind of are; you pretend to be the best version of yourself, maybe someone else entirely. After college, it's like someone jacked up the speed setting on the treadmill and just left it there. I've been running myself ragged ever since. Like a gerbil on the wheel. Like a rat in the cage.

*Sigh* Lately I've just been feeling really tired. Most of the week really. I saw this funny meme once that I really related to. It went something like this; adulting is actually really easy. You just tell people how tired you are, and they tell you how tired they are, and everyone is just always really stinkin' tired. True dat. Adulting isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Being an adult kind of sucks. I find it ironic that when we were little we wanted to be older. Now that we are old we just want to be young once more, but things will get better! We all go through these bummer times! You are not alone! Don't despair we are all in this together. God has a plan for you, and things will work out eventually. "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary, and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31 (KJV).

Key Takeaways:

-Things can be hard, but they will get

better!

-You are not alone, and God will be

there for you.