little secret | evanstan

e i g h t

just as the train came to a stop, chris grabbed sebastian's hand and blended with the crowd, waiting in line for the exit.

sebastian looked down at their entwined hands and sadly smiled, the memories of his past heartbreak came flashing through his mind.

the old times when a different chris was his, when he thought that was the one, but fate has a funny way of revealing the harsh truth.

sebastian has always been into older men, guys his age just can't match his standards no matter how good they seem, they're simply just not his type.

chris noticed sebastian's gloomy look so he lifted his chin up and asked with the deepest concern, "hey, what's wrong?"

nothing much, i'm just preparing myself for the future wherein we have no choice but to instantly let go of each other's hand. wherein you'll just be another chris that got away.

sebastian deeply thought, but then answered, "nah, i'm just nervous, didn't get to experience a proper date unless it's for fucking." he finished with a laugh.

but it wasn't a joke, really, because deep down inside him that's what he really believes, that people only are after him for sex, fame, and money.

but chris didn't find his "joke" funny at all as he kept a serious expression, saying, "you know it's more than that."

"i know."

lies.

sebastian thought.

he isn't convinced. because what else could chris probably want from an undergraduate minor who just messes his life up?

sex

that's probably it or so sebastian believes that's what chris is after. just sex. and so that's what he'll offer him.

only sex and nothing else.

but how when he agreed to come to this "date" with his teacher? is that really only just sex?

well, that's what he thought he could only offer, maybe he doesn't know it yet. but maybe, maybe unknowingly he'll offer his heart and get it broken the second time around.

and it's gonna be all his fault. again.

-

"the amusement park? really, chris?" sebastian giggled, shrugging the bitter taste of the older's name rolling off his tongue before continuing, "aren't you too old for this?" he teased with a laugh, poking the older.

the older blushed, becoming red, but soon gave a comeback, "hey! be thankful. it took me quite some time to figure where to bring you but considering that you're childish and immature why not here? right?"

sebastian laughed with an 'i hate you so much.' his eyes almost disappeared as he threw his head back, laughing hard.

chris noticed his eyes are twinkling, the joy in his laugh, his radiant smile brightening the darkened sky.

it fills chris with happiness knowing for a fact that he caused that smile. he brought that out. he did that. and so he couldn't help but grin at the guy at his front.

but then, deep behind that smile, buried deep inside chris' mind is a voice yelling at him that this is wrong. so wrong, in every possible way.

his conscience telling harsh truths that this guy whom he is messing around with is a student, his student specifically. and he is his teacher. and it's just wrong.

everything they've done from the very top has been so wrong in so many ways that no matter from which angle you look at it, it just isn't right.

and knowing he is the older one and supposedly the mature one in this partnership of theirs just makes him guilty that he isn't doing anything about it.