𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚜 // 𝚊𝚡𝚕 𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚎 [𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚎]

V: Turn Me Around And Take Me Back To The Start

Liana

"Estay? How 'ya doing?" Liana Adamson was Estay's best and only friend, the second friend she'd ever truly had and the only one she could rely on after everything that had happened. "How'd recording go?" The Londoner-turned-LA-dreamer nursed a cup of tea, dragging blonde hair from off of her neck as she perched on the sofa of the shared apartment the two of them could just about afford. 

Estay closed the drawer she was flicking through, the record she was searching for seemingly evading her will for the time being, and leaned against the arm of the sofa, legs thrown upwards to rest on the coffee table. "I did a few of the usual songs to get going, then managed to get two acoustics of my own recorded. I haven't done any of the backing tracks yet, though." She sighed, running her hand through her hair. "I'm just glad I'm getting somewhere, rather than sitting here burning through savings."

Liana smiled; her own ambition had always been going into fashion, but she had always been partially preoccupied by Estay's dreaminess. There were reasons her best friend lived most of her existence in her head, and would barely be aware of the outside world if it wasn't for Liana, of course she knew that. But as far as earning a living was concerned, her mental wellbeing wasn't something that could scrape in cash. Seeing Estay not only appear considerably level-headed but working towards a concrete, monetary goal doing something she enjoyed was a comfort.  If only he could see her now...

She just prayed that her stability wasn't only because of what she was letting out during the long, cold nights of writing by candlelight. If she sang the words that had made her almost relapse before screaming at Liana with tears running down her face, God only knew what re-living it time and time again as she played would do to the girl.

"On a similar note, how are you doing?" Estay's fingers were running through the records again, feet tucked underneath her as her hair shielded both her face and her feelings. The attempt, however, didn't fool Liana.

"I'm fine, Estay. But I know you're not. Look at me. Why haven't you been looking at me all day?" She said it quietly, measuredly. After all these years, she knew instinctively when the girl that might as well have been her sister was bottling something up. And the consequences of such emotion spilling over were never good, always ugly and painful.

"Nothing." But her voice was beginning to shake.

"Hey, Estay. You're basically my sister, honey, you can confide in me - you know that." She'd known all day from her friend's quiet demeanour and lengthy, overly happy responses that she wasn't okay - Liana knew that when something that hurt was being spun around in her head, Estay didn't talk of her own accord but masked the turmoil with the facade of cheerfulness.  "Tell you what, I'll go get you a cup of tea and a biscuit and you can collect yourself. But whatever it is, please don't hide it and bottle it all up." To get anything out of her, she needed to give Estay time to organise her thoughts and go through it in her head. And the tea was both an excuse to leave her alone for a moment, and an innate reaction to sorrow, ingrained from an English childhood. 

Estay POV

Well, what's the point of a best friend if they can't bother the heck out of you to make you feel better?

Estay sighed as Liana exited the room, feeling her hands shaking on top of the photo album she had found buried in the bottom of the record drawers. She loved Liana in a way that transcended the simple platonic feelings of middle schoolers*; the girl was her confidant, her sanity and her rock. Nethertheless, some things she didn't want to ever talk about, not yet, not soon, or simply couldn't without breaking down. 

The album swam in front of her eyes as tears threatened to spill; blinking furiously, she flipped it open, despite the feeling of painfully hopeless nostalgia rising in her throat. As the first page opened, polaroids slipped out from where the ones that didn't fit the predetermined spaces had been shoved hastily inside the cover on a previous occassion. A sad smile made its way lethargically across Estay's face as she saw the photo of her and Liana at the beach. A snapshot of happiness, a mere few moments before everything began the slow roll downhill, accelerating towards the crash and burn from which she'd run. 

Nope. She wasn't going there. I'm going away from my thoughts.

Taking a deep breath, she shoved the polaroids back into the album, ignoring the ones that scattered across the floor as she stood up and wiped her eyes furiously. She needed to forget. She needed to stop thinking. 

Liana POV

Liana walked back in with a cup of tea in her hands in time to hear Estay's bedroom door slam. Noticing the pictures on the floor, she cursed under her breath, berating herself for leaving the album in such an obvious drawer where it could remind them of better times, and the reasons why those times were no longer existent. "What are you doing? Are you okay?" She inquired, placing down the cup and approaching the door. 

"Give me a while." Her friend's voice was less thick with tears than she had expected, and relief flooded her, though she couldn't help the cynical voice in the back of her mind that threatened to remind her of Estay's refuge of bottling everything up. 

After a tense few minutes, the door opened and Liana's eyes widened as the girl emerged from her room, decked out in a cut-off Pink Floyd t-shirt, miniskirt, tights and leather jacket. Somehow she'd managed to apply mascara and lipstick and brush her hair as well in those ten-or-so minutes. "We're going out," she declared, "as long as you're up for it, that is. I need to get my mind off of... things."

Liana nodded in understanding, glad that the plan included not only fun and an excuse to dress up, but a lack of dwelling on the things they couldn't change. The things that hung in the air constantly, even when they were doing something normal.

Caught up in the lingering rush of affection for her beautifully broken friend, she enveloped the younger girl in a hug and grinned. "I'll be with you in thirty."

~

"Estay, I'm ... I'm druuunk. We should - *hiccup* - go before - *hiccup* we can't get up tomorrow because - *hiccup* - of the head-headache." Liana spluttered and slurred her way through the sentence, before Estay, who was buzzing enough not to think very hard but not too much to be coherent and walk in a straight line, grabbed her hand and half-dragged her to the park and the refreshing air brought by outside.

"Love ya," Liana grinned, as they sat on their jackets on the grass. For some reason, Estay found this hilarious, laughing until she was nearly crying. "And what would I do without old Liana, hey?"

* I'm British, but Estay is American so I'm attempting to write the way she thinks, so hopefully I can be forgiven for any mistakes. If I get anything majorly wrong, though, don't hesitate to let me know. 

Furthermore, could you please let me know in the comments if you prefer slightly longer or shorter chapters? Thank you guys! 

Hope you are enjoying the story so far! :)