An Iscariotic Affliction Of Sorts

17 - Everything You're Not

I could feel his stare burning my back; I could feel the tension, the shock everything, rolling off my head in waves. I didn't want to believe my eyes, but the faded edges of the tattoo, turning a dark green, told me more than I needed to know. It wasn't done recently. How long had Gerard tricked me?

I paused, not trusting myself to move, in case I fainted again, I could feel the nausea crashing over me like a tornado all at once, and I struggled to even breathe. My breath kept catching in my throat, as if something was lodged there. The tattoo... he was almost definitely one of them, and had been for a long, long time.

"Frank..? What's wrong?" The question in his voice ebbed, reverberating through the room; I could almost see his face frowned in concern, in my mind. I kept quiet, I didn't trust myself to speak.

"Frank..? Why are you-" he cut himself off as he realised, quite possibly for the first time that I was staring at his forearm in horror. I couldn't think probably, it was like the pieces of my mind had been scattered and I was trying to pick them up but I couldn't do it because I needed my brain to function and Gerard was one of them and i-

"Fuck, fuck, Frank, its not what it looks like!" He whispered hoarsely, like his voice was dry. I whirled around.

"You... you and Julius..." I sputtered blindly, really, I believe was mumbling incoherent words.

"There's so much you don't understand, Frank, please, listen to me!"

"You screwed up my life!" I shouted, suddenly exploding. The sheer shock of my realisation ha jolted me. I should have seen it all along, the way he broke in to save me, the way he was always there whenever something happened, the way he did everything- as if it was all by coincidence. "Who the fuck are you and what have I done to deserve this bullshit?" I said, voice shaking and little trembles making their way up me.

"My association with them is in the past!" Gerard said.

"You expect me to believe that? I'm not five, Gerard!"

"If I was really part of them, why would I have saved you? Why would I have shot," He paused, pointing at his head, "Nathan in the head?"

"Nathan...? It-it's" I said, stupefied.

"Julius is his twin, that's why he was mad! You can't just fucking shoot someone's twin brother and expect them to be all good when it!"

"I didn't shoot him!" I flared accusingly, "You did!"

"Yes, but I did it in a bid to save you!" he seemed frustrated. I hated when he used that tone of voice, it made me feel like I was slow, and I felt stupid.

"That doesn't explain the tattoo!"

"That's because you won't shut up and listen," he snapped.

"You can't expect me to trust you anymore!" I screamed, shaking with rage. I couldn't even believe it myself. Just two minutes ago, I was convincing myself that Gerard was telling the truth. Of course. I never should have trusted him. It was more of the shame that I had been so guilible. Like I was born yesterday.

"I'm leaving." I spat, "It doesn't matter if you saved me or not. You said I could leave, so I am."

"Ignorant," he snarled.

"I don't care who you work for. Leave us the fuck alone. I've got a life and I want to move on with it," I said.

I slid right past him and yanked open the door. Sunlight greeted me, flooding in, and momentarily I was sort of blinded, but I kept my resolve.

Gerard Way was too complicated. I could never, trust him.

I should have seen it. All along, he had just been stringing me, toying and manupilating me, and the worst part? I thought it meant something, I should have known.