Jennifer Two

THIRTY-TWO.

2000

Shelly looks down at the new-born. She looks up at Roseanna, who looks exhausted and fatigued. Definitely not how she felt when Rose was born. But then again, she is older, and has lived through a lot more grief than back then.

"Ain't she a sweetheart?" Shelly says quietly. The baby is fast asleep, but Roseanna is somewhere between consciousness and dream.

"Sure is," Roseanna mutters.

"You are a very lucky woman. What are the odds of having another child this far into your life?"

"You tryna call me an old lady?" Roseanna manages a smile over her tired grumble.

"You're not old old, but you're old."

"You can't even talk! You're thirty-nine."

"I'm thirty-nine and I had my last kid years ago." Shelly raises an eyebrow before looking back at the baby. "But she must be a blessing. After everything that has happened to you in the past year. It's like she's your fourth time lucky now!"

Roseanna smiles weakly. "Yeah. Somethin' like that."

"How much she weigh?"

"Seven pounds."

"Wow. The same as Rosie." Shelly smiles, staring long and hard at her. "What's her name?"

"Jennifer-Anne," Roseanna responds quickly.

"Jesus, remember all those years ago when I joked about you calling' your next kid Anne? I was right."

"Yeah, I guess." she mumbles, eyes flickering, straining to stay open.

"Remember when you told me there would also be no next child?"

"Yes, I remember. But circumstances change, Shell."

"I understand. But you've got to think about why I might find this all kind of... suspect. The second Rosie dies, you go and have another one. Why?"

"It doesn't matter why."

"I'm sure it doesn't, in the grand scheme of things. But I want you to love all of your children the same. I want you to know that they aren't just replacements. Ever since you were a kid, you were a perfectionist. You wanted things perfect, and you would go outta your way to fix anything that seemed broken, even if it wasn't. I'm not saying you didn't have to try for another child... but remember Rose like we all will. Don't swat away her memory with another kid."

Roseanna wasn't expecting a minor lecture, especially right after hours of childbirth. She just sighs, turning around on the bed so her back faces Shelly.

Annie's eyes open slowly as she wakes up. When Roseanna isn't looking, Shelly slowly picks her up. Her skin is soft and cheeks a blush-tinted pink, and her eyes a cool grey, like a little storm. Shelly furrows her eyebrows, feeling something in the back of her mind. As she looks closer at Anne, she becomes more confused.

Her stomach turns.

◆ ◆ ◆

July 30th, 2016

Janus didn't live as long as his predecessor, so you could say that I'm lucky in some sense of the word. But it still sucks - not being able to fight the obstacles and the warning signs.

It's the midst of summer break, and I've decided to buy a plane ticket and visit my Aunt Shelly in Arkansas. It's been a while since I last saw her, and I somehow miss her. I don't know if I really do, or if I need some sort of escape. She bought a ranch out in the country where she spends a lot of her time, and it might be a good idea to crash out there and hide away from the media. And my parents, whose presence stifles me more and more by the day.