Jennifer Two

THIRTY-THREE.

August 3rd, 2016

"I can't stop staring at your dress. It's perfect." Kal says.

"You can't even see it from this angle. Half of it is under the table."

"I'm looking at the half I can see."

"You mean my torso? Or my boobs? God, you perv." I kick his foot.

"No, no. I'm studying and appreciating the intricate effort that went into those embellishments. And red really suits you. Just thought I'd let you know."

"Well... uhm... navy blue suits you," I say, looking at his suit jacket.

"We're red and blue. Like fire and ice." He responds.

"Like... lava and water."

"Like love and hate."

"I've run out of similes," I chuckle. "I wasn't the best in my poetry class is all I can say."

I decide to go with a low-fat vegetarian meal, seeming as I don't want to add congestion on top of everything. I guess eating healthier maybe slows down the process a little. In the grand scheme of things, we're all gonna die, one way or another. Sometimes I think I'm ready for it, and other times, I think not. Today is one of those days that the latter takes me over. I look at Kal, and I think please God, just a little longer. Even if eating salad or whatever might help, then so be it. Kal orders ribs. Cuisine-quality, of course, but still...ribs. Some part of me wanted to think that he was vegan, adhering to his earthy Polynesian surfer exterior, but he loves animal-based products just as much as the next person, it appears.

"Is your name not short for anything?" I ask, realising that it's never really occurred to me. I mean, it could just be Kal, but maybe there's more.

"Kalani. I know; it's near-identical to my sister's name, which is Nelani. That's why we call her Lani for short, and it's why I'm just called Kal. Just nips it in the bud to avoid confusion."

"That's beautiful." I curve my lips into a smile. "Jesus. I'm just Anne. Annie. Like the redhead from that musical. What's so special about that?"

"Well I think it's cute that you take up one half of your mum's name. Not many people do that. And Rose took the other half."

"It's weird. A little self-absorbed, don't you think?"

Kal laughs. "I'm not the one to comment on that. But I will say that your name is nice. It's easy to remember, and it sticks right into my head. There's no escaping it."

"Anne and Kal. Two syllables in total. So, so simple. I play our names together over and over again until the words meld together and it makes no sense. And sometimes that's what I think love is. Senseless."

"Love is weird. I don't know why it happens, you know. I don't know why we automatically pick somebody. Why don't our minds wander easier?"

"Well, yours doesn't because I'm drop dead gorgeous." I smile. I need try not to add in some sort of allusion to demise; I do it without thinking. I mean, I could have just left it at gorgeous.

"Something like that." He grins.

"Hey. Tell me more nice things. Make me feel better."

"...Well... I don't know how I would live without you. I think I would go insane - I think I would kill for you. Too much? Too Shakespearean?"

"Not Shakespearean enough," I say. "A pinch more tragedy is needed."

Most clones have never lived long, prosperous lives like the rest of their species. I often think about when I'll break down, when I'll finally malfunction. I know I'm fine for now, and may be for many years to come. But the thought of me just breaking down in my twenties, or my thirties, horrifies me. By the looks of it, I could get cell mutations in the future as a 'side effect' of my condition. And as I sit across Kal, it dawns on me that I was born a disaster. I was the tennis tournament shooting, the coma, the death, the life – a trail of incidences that led to something bleak, something unfixable. You can't craft light out of what was always a tragedy. You can't fix something that should have been born fixed. You can't. My parents needed to pay. They needed to suffer the consequences of their actions. My demise, my misfortune, is the only way they can. So I'll have to live with that, in the back of my mind at all times. I'll have that in my thoughts from hereon. So I need to hold on to someone like Kal - someone who can make me feel normal. I need him so much, and I always will.