Licensed to Kill

Chapter 13

In the hour and a half it took Dallas to dodge the ridiculous traffic from Berlin to Brandenburg an der Havel, I'd already gone through six of our stash of about thirty expired granola bars, and I'd reread A.R.T.'s report on Agent Lindsey's disappearance twice. Before I'd even begun my investigation, I'd made it pretty clear to Lancaster that I would need to know the details of Lindsey's unauthorized mission, but he'd never provided me with that information. Now, I was left trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. It was only day three and this investigation was already maddening.

The case file was nothing like any A.R.T. Missing Agent File I'd ever seen before. Over the course of my time with the Taskforce, I'd heard of only seven agents either disserting or going missing, and I'd assisted in the investigations to locate five of them. Each time, I'd reviewed the case files and they'd always been jam-packed with more information than anyone could need to know. My A.R.T. division had always covered every single base, whether pertinent or not, just to be completely thorough. But Agent Lindsey's file was different. It was vague and choppy. There were plenty of areas with little to no detail that didn't fit the bill. It stated on the report itself that Lancaster had written it. There was no logical reason for him to leave out so much information – and I still wanted answers about why A.R.T. had waited three fucking months to start a search for a woman who was said to be one of their top five agents.

None of it. Made. Sense.

"Reading that report again?" Dallas asked in a bland knowing voice.

I groaned and rested my head back against the headrest. "Honestly, Dallas, I'm starting to feel like I'm being punked or something. I think a kindergartener could've written a more detailed report. This is infuriating."

I'd decided that once this was all over, I'd go back to London and give Lancaster a heaping piece of my mind. He had a lot of explaining to do, as far as I was concerned.

Dallas cracked an amused grin while he kept his eyes on the road ahead. "You still have that fiery temper, Tali."

"You bet your ass, I do."

His smile widened, but he didn't say anything else. I ended up stuffing the file back into my bag – reading in a moving vehicle was making my eyes hurt anyway – and turning my attention to the man sitting beside me.

I'd finally accepted the idea that all this was real – that he was real – and that I wasn't simply losing my mind, imagining all of this. But it still gave me such a strange feeling deep in the pit of my stomach to hear his voice and say his name. It was mind-blowing to know that he was really there, in the flesh, just feet from me, and I could have a real conversation with him, touch him, actually feel him, kiss him...

I'd spent four years trying and failing to come to terms with the belief that Dallas was dead. There'd really been no such thing as coping for me. I'd been on a downward spiral for four straight years. I was honestly surprised that A.R.T. had kept me on as an agent. I knew why – I was one of their best. But still, I'd turned myself into a tremendous liability for the Taskforce – especially for Matt. I'd put him through hell worrying about my safety and sobriety on countless missions.

Matt had taken over being our team leader after Bristol's death, and A.R.T. had hired three new agents to join our team. Each of them came with their own exceptional record from the F.B.I., having handled the likes of cases you'd expect to see on a Criminal Minds episode, but Matt had had to train each new agent, familiarizing them with A.R.T.'s standards. He'd done an incredible job, despite how tough I knew it was on him with no help from me. He'd just lost three fifths of his original team and all the sudden he had to take on being a team leader and teaching new agents the ropes, all the while dealing with my emotional baggage and bullshit, and my impressive unprecedented inability to hang on to a partner for more than a handful of months. I was still surprised Megan hadn't quit yet.