G.r.e.y (Dan And Phil Fanfiction)

sometimes.

You know sometimes i forget how depressed i actually am. I suppose that's just how depression is, you live with it long enough and u adapt to the feeling of emptiness that comes with the mental illness. I only notice it when i get happy because soon that happy moment passes and i go back to that dark abyss that is my life. Thats probably why i smoke cigarettes. The burn that comes with the smoke filling up my lungs helps remind me that im alive. I wasn't always like this. Once apon a time I was someone else. A stranger to even myself now. That boy was once a popular loner,  a sad boy for the right reasons but whatever life threw at him he would over come it, when he needed help he would ask anyone who would listen until he got the help he needed, he was out going, no matter what time of day it was, that boy had something he wanted to do or somewhere he wanted to go. He was loving and filled with adventure even if it cause him literal pain, it didn't matter as long as he got to see the sight he wanted. He would take walks just to explore, who knew where he was going, it didn't matter, it was apart of the adventure. He could tell when you where sad because he was familiar with it and would bug you until you where happy, he would always be by your side because he knew what it was like to be alone.  Then he got quiet and slowly became less out going. He began to lose all drive for anything, stopped hanging out with people, hit a few bumps along the way that knocked him further down. Walks became a distant memory because he started spending all his time inside. He became more and more sad until that adventurous boy turned into me. Truth be told, I don't know what happened to me or why I changed. It's like this sadness over took me until I was so far gone i gave up trying. That stranger would never be friend with the loser he is now  and I probably wouldn't want to be his friend either.

Sorry this is stupid and short, that whole paragraph describing who he was is literally a text my boyfriend sent me a few weeks ago. He broke up with me today. So boom sad chapter