One Night, One Day, One Year, One Lifetime

Thirteen

My divorce with Jiajing occurred without surprise.

It was also unexpectedly smooth-sailing. Jiajing and I had a mutual, tacit understanding. We both knew that it was impossible for our marriage to continue.

Jiajing's parents were over the moon. When their eyes landed on our certificate of divorce, it was as though they had been granted amnesty against a heinous crime, or were finally freed from association with a potential terrorist.

Jiajing's mother held onto Jiajing's elbow as her eyes scrutinised our letter of divorce. 'Thank Heavens that you're finally free from such a man. When we reach home, I will definitely offer an incense to the Buddha and pray for you to never have any dealings with that man.'

Jiajing smiled awkwardly at me, apologetic for her mother's rudeness, but I did not take offense. Only, I still did not understand what I had done for her mother to view me as the vilest poison as she hurried to severe all association from me.

She had only known from Jiajing that perhaps, some part of my mind was ill, and that such an illness had affected Jiajing's happiness. That was all. This was not a great deal, for I had never done anything atrocious, never hurt a person nor displayed any signs of wanting to do so.

My mother began to cry in front of me. Her sobs were silent, and quietly, she wiped away her tears. She was old in age, her face lined with wrinkles. She used her sleeves, which had been washed countless times till the colours had all faded into white, to wipe away her tears, and soon, her sleeves were also damp. Yet her tears continued to fall from her eyes, just like an unending waterfall.

I bent down. I said, I am good, there is no need to worry.

My mother nodded, but her tears continued to flow, as though there was no reason to them. Maybe she was only worried for her child, a man who had gone through two marriages which had both ended in failure.

I had already moved into He Yujin's house. Ever since that day, I had been living there. I had also sent her photo to the photo studio, and their skills were as exceptional as I thought they would be. Although some marks were still faintly visible, on the whole, He Yujin's smiling face remained incadescent.

I said to He Yujin's photo, 'Do you know what I've done today? I've divorced, so, I have nowhere to go for now, and our home happens to be a good place to live.'

After I said these words, I used the glass He Yujin had bought for me when she was still alive to take a sip of water.

***

If I were to be honest with myself, after my divorce, I felt liberated, as though a crushing weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Perhaps, all along, I had been maintaining this marriage out of a stubborn heart filled with a motive in mind. Other than the few days before this marriage, I had been very tired all this while.

Now that I had divorced, I had not expected that I would feel so relaxed.

I wore my pyjamas of the past and paced around He Yujin's room. I placed my laptop into the study room, moved my clothes back to the bedroom, then arranged my toiletries in the bathroom. The bathroom rack was stacked with five or six pale blue towels the way they had always been, and I could absentmindedly reach for one of them after I showered.

I bought new things for the kitchen. This would allow me to pacify my hunger. Occasionally, I would cook, wearing my loose and comfortable pyjamas as I prepared the food. What I loved most was still soy sauce noodles. I followed the instructions on the recipe book as I cooked. I found this book from He Yujin's bookshelf, and the noodles which I made tasted similar to what He Yujin had prepared, so I guessed that she must have learned to make them step by step from the book.