silence (peter parker ff)

one

I'm starting to wake from silent sleep
I'm starting to break and I can grieve on
Starting to see that I know how
To love, to lose, to work it out
I'm starting to heal and find some faith
Starting to feel what's out of place
Don't need to deceive me, I can't wait
To fool, to fail and start again
Start Again - Birdy

Thoughts that go like bullets through you
The time you told me that you wish you were dead
But so broken you can't stop choosing
To sleep through your alarms, man, you're losing your head
sleep thru ur alarms - lontalius

Who do I have?
Heaven and hell, my friend, my friend
I won't fit in here
Everything must end
Hello, from the dark side end
Does anybody here wanna be my friend?
Want it all to end
Tell me when the fuck is it all gon' end
Voices in my head telling me I'm gonna end up dead

So save me, before I fall
So save me, I don't want to be all alone
So save me, before I fall
So save me, I don't want to be all alone
Save Me - XXXTentacion

I never wanted this, no. I tried everything to save her, but I have failed. Since then, I remember every night the beautiful time we had together and how I should have enjoyed the time. I never was happier when I was with her and she was too. I know she had tough time, and I'm happy that, now, she's free of it all. But I miss her, time is slower without her, I never want to forget the days we were together, only one day, I want to forget it. I was weak and not brave enough. And now, I write it down, because the end, it was beautiful, a beautiful love story, just without a happy-ending.

I swung from building to building, it was already dark. I was going back home, when I saw a bunch of drunk girls. I don't think that alcohol is good, so I shot some webs and the bottles of vodka were in my hands. 3 of them protested and weren't happy. One looked up and watched me swung to the next buildings. I went home, it was a Sunday, I ate with aunt May, I didn't talk a lot, I said I was tired doing my homework. She understood that I wasn't doing homework, still I said that I've done homework. When I went to sleep, I wondered if it was a good idea to take their alcohol. It is their life, if they want to get drunk, I should let them do their thing, but they have to know the consequences. I saw the face of that one girl, following me with her eyes. She looked at me, mouth opened, like I was something special. Maybe I am, 'cause I'm Spider-Man.

"Peter? Dinner is ready!" May screams from the kitchen.
I wipe the tears of my cheek, take a deep breath, hiccuping and leave my notebook to eat with May. I think my eyes are still red, because May asks me if I am all right. I don't answer, she sees that I am not okay.
"Peter, I'm sorry for what happened. You know, people pass away, if freshly born or 90 years old. I know you loved her more than everything," she says wrapping me in her arms.
"I still love her. It's not loveD her."
"Ow Peter. Eat, you'll feel better. I made your favourite meal."
"Thank you, May. What would have happened if you weren't here?"
I sit down and eat slowly. I know May's watching me, I see it from the corner of my eye.
"Don't you want to swing from building to building again?" May asks.
"I... I need a break. I'm going to talk to Mr. Stark tomorrow."
"That doesn't make sense. Why would you talk to him if you need a break?" she asks again.
"Maybe he will protect Queens for me, I don't know, mom, I'm tired."
"Did you just say mom?" May smiles. "I'm not your mom, you're cute. I see that you're tired, but take a shower before."
I nod. I eat, my thoughts not focused, just free. Aunt May still stares at me.
"You know I larb you. You can always ask me for help."