silence (peter parker ff)

ten

WARNING: This chapter could be difficult to read for sensible persons

"Dammit, you write very good, Peter" Ned exclaims (note from Bérénice: not saying that I write good).
"Thanks."
"I'll have to go now, I can't wait to continue reading" he says.
"Okay see you. Wait I'll accompany you to the door."
We stand up, Ned first, I follow him. I wave at him when he leaves. I look into the
mailbox, a red notebook lies in there. Her diary. I don't want to but I have to. I need to read what is in there. I can't stop me.

12 (13) of December 02:00 a.m.

I hate dad. I'm so damn mad. He treats me like a pet, more an object or an
animal. He thinks he can do whatever he wants only because he's my father. If only mum was still be here to protect me. Dad wouldn't have started with the alcohol and he wouldn't treat me like that. It's not simple to talk about it, I don't even know who I can talk to. I met Spider-Man again. He saw that my father was aggressing me. What would have happened if he wouldn't have been there? He wanted to go to Queens. Probably he lives there, so I could see him again. To the question: dad, maybe he would have done it again, or in general touched me, where I don't want him to touch me, but that is nothing new. Or he would have forced me to do something. I don't know how I can stop this. He doesn't listen to me, and he's my father. I can't tell it to the police.

My mind didn't take long to understand what he actually did to her. Her father molested her. She never told me, and I think nobody else too. I think I'll talk to her father. Right now. There is an oppression in my stomach, it tells me to go to see her father.
I take the subway, the same way when I was lost in the contraire direction. I take some time to find the building but after few minutes, it stands in front of me. 2 years ago, I brought that man here. In the little space between the two buildings, I change into Spider-Man, I get more attention as him. I climb up the walls, after putting my bag in a safe place. I find his tiny flat due to his recognizable shelf full of alcohol bottles and due to her second name. A man (he didn't change) sits on a chair at the table. A bottle of red wine and a full glass rest in front of him. I open the window with a jerk, the man looks up. He doesn't seem surprised that Spider- Man enters his flat through the window.
"Hello, I want to talk to you about your daughter" I say unsurely but directly. "She is dead" he answers firmly.
"I know. And you know you made her life very complicated."
"Just after her mother left. Before that, I protected her from the bullies,
depressions, whatever."
"So you do admit, that you have done something wrong."
"It was not wrong."
"Erm, excuse me? Sexual abuse and rape is nothing but wrong. For you maybe."
"She never told me to stop, she liked it."
"What are you saying" I get mad, "try to understand! Your mother, obligated to
have sex with her! Don't you understand? You have destroyed her!" I scream but it doesn't touch him at all. I guess he can't understand what that means.
I want to make a long speech about how wrong that was, but I know it's hopeless, he listens one quarter of what I say. I walk to the window again, climbing out of it. As I perch, he decides to ask something.
"Were you a lot with her? Did she told yourself?"
"Yes and no."
I jump, I don't want to go more deeply in his question and I don't want to see the face of the person who ruined her life. I go back home, I want to find more about her life. Again, I stumble over the question, if it was a good idea, to read her diary. Yet still, I need to find out more. At home, May is still at work. I lay down on my bed and start reading again.

15 of December 2:00 p.m.

I should definitely stop drinking. Yesterday at the party, I drank too much. My head is hurting and spinning. I just want to be home with mum and Nat (even if I hate her), but I know it's not possible. I want to leave this city, go back to England. I can breathe freely there, I can think, I can hear silence. Here it's loud, it stinks, the air is thick, I can't think, can't concentrate. Soon at my 18th birthday, I'll leave, I guarantee.

1 of January 6:00 p.m.

I hate him. He kept me at home. I wasn't allowed to be with my friends and be happy, yey a new year starts! And he came, he said 'happy new year' and did it again. What a way to start a year! He left and I first cried. I think I have to do something, this can't stay.
I skip the next month. I can't read her pain and how horrible his father was with her. And to be honest, I want to read when she met me, to know what she felt for me.

12 of July 12:00 a.m.

It was a beautiful day. I met Spider-Man again, he was on a rooftop. He took me up, the sky was beautiful. I told him a bit about my father. But not the even darker sides of him. He would probably feel pity and I hate it. It's maybe one of the reasons I talk with nobody about that.

15 of July 6:00 a.m.

I had a date with John. He's a fuckboy. He doesn't know what love is. Why do I always have to be with perverts? Dad and John? Spider-Man would be an amazing boyfriend, though he'll be in danger 24/7, but he would protect. And he's a hero.

"Peter, I'm home" May screams.
I go out of my bed, May smiles bright.
"Come here Peter, sit down" she invites me to sit on the sofa.
I sit down next to her, I look into her eyes. Her smile fades out, obviously
because I look sad. Yet still, her eyes shine a happy light. Her hand rests on my leg.
"I have a surprise for you" she considers. "I see that time is not enough to heal you. So I think you need to change your mind and see more places of this world. Here."
She hands me two tickets to a flight to Paris CDG (Charles De Gaulle).
"We are going to France?" I ask surprised.
"Yes, we'll take the train and go to the coast. Then we'll take the ferry to the UK,
we will visit London and oh- I'm saying too much. It's a surprise what we'll do after. Peter you have to be honest, do you want to do this with me?"
"I- I don't know, yes. It's a good idea. I'm happy to spend more time with you. But if it's going to help, that's another question. Maybe it'll make me think even more."
"I understand, Peter. But sometimes you need to let go, it can be hard I know, but do you really think you can stay like this your whole life? I'm sure there is a girl on this planet who can give you the love she gave you."
"I know, but I'm not sure if I'll have a girlfriend again. I would be too scared to lose her too. But what about school?
"First you need to agree then I'll talk to the principal." "Don't tell him the truth" I order.
"No, I have my ways. So you agree?"
"Yes okay. How long is the trip going to be?"
"3 weeks probably. If you want it shorter or longer, let me know. I haven't booked the return flight."
"No, 3 weeks is perfect. And Spider-Man?" "I've organized it all, Peter" she repeats. "Okay, when do we leave?" I add.
"In 2 weeks."