Darling (close your eyes)

Shattered

Jimin's POV:
It was 3am, and Jimin knew that this was the last thing he should be doing. The week had already taken its toll on all of the members, Jimin included, and tomorow would be no better. He should have been asleep by now, preparing for tomorrow's exhaustion. But, he reflected, none of that knowledge was going to stop him from scrolling through his Twitter comments. "Fat pig," said one. "he should go back to that diet. One meal every 10 days is too much in his case!" Or another, that simply read, "Ugly." They kept rolling in, with one or two compliments mixed in between the criticism. The worst ones were those whose authors had obviously thought long and hard about his imperfections. They were long, and eloquent, and they shattered him to the core. They broke apart all the compliments he had gotten over the years, they drowned any the self worth Jimin had, and the worst part about it was that Jimin couldn't tell the others. They would give him those hollow assurances that, "You're not ugly!" "We love your face!" Or the most hateful of them all, "They're just jealous." Fans who told him he was ugly were not jealous. Sometimes he didn't even hate them. They were just telling the truth; because truly, nobody is called unattractive for no reason. So yeah, Jimin couldn't tell his brothers. The last thing he needed right now was for more hollow assurances of his attractiveness.

The next morning, as he stumbled into the kitchen he realized, his stomach sinking,  that he was again the last person up. Jin and Yoongi-hyung were cooking eggs, Jungkook was asleep in his cereal, Hoseok was listening to music, earbuds in and music echoing faintly, and Namjoon's forehead was planted firmly against the counter. Jin looked up from the frypan, one eyebrow raised. "I think you need to go to bed earlier, chimmy." Jimin's eyes widened. Did he know? Jin continued, "This is like the third time in a row you're last to breakfast!" Jimin nodded rapidly. Hyung didn't know, or he would've have definitely said something, raised a fuss about nothing. It was nothing. He didn't need to know.
He pulled out a chair next to Hoseok, and as he did so, it scraped against the floor, and both Kook and Joon awoke with a start. When Jungkook raised his head, there was milk on his nose, and Jimin smiled to himself. Somethings never change. When Namjoon blinked awake however, it was with a much less peaceful expression on his face. "Hyung! What time is it?" he almost shouted at Yoongi. "Uhhhh, 20 min to 8," came the monotone reply. Namjoon's face went white.
"Shit!"
Hoseok took his earbuds out at that, and stared at him. Jin raised his cooking spoon threateningly, and Namjoon cowered, looked guilty. "Sorry hyung. But we have to go! I forgot we have a dance practice at 9 today!" Jin rolled his eyes, frustrated. "Joon! We have 20 minutes to get there. How could you forget?" Namjoon put his face in his hands. "I was so busy last night practicing the comeback dances. It just slipped my mind. I'm so sorry everyone." The other members groaned, but after gathering coats and bags, and practically sprinting to the studio, they made it with 5 minutes to spare. As Jimin ran alongside them, he felt a little dizzy. He brushed the feeling off with a drink of water. He didn't have time for this today. Not now.

3 hours later, they were almost done, and Jimin almost cried from happiness. He was so tired it was taking effort to stand up from where he sat, drinking water on the ground.  "One more run through, everybody!" their dance instructor called from the front of the room, and Jimin reluctantly pulled himself to his feet. Hobi looked over at him, a concerned expression on his face. "Are you feeling ok chimmy?" he asked, and Jimin nodded tiredly. "Yeah, I'm ok. I didn't sleep well." For the last couple of days, his mind interjected. Jimin took a deep breath, determined to ignore his subconscious. It didn't matter, all he had to do was get through these last couple of minutes, and then he could go back home. Assembling with the others he took the beginning stance, and let the music carry him away.

The first thing he noticed upon waking up was the voices. They seem to morph from whispers, to shouts, to slurred sounds that abandoned him as he feel back from consciousness, and into darkness.

When he woke for the second time, he was in a different setting. Wincing, he sat up, aching muscles protesting, and looked at his surroundings, desperately hoping he wasn't in the hospital. Immediately his confusion was dissipated. He was in his room, and not in the hospital as he had feared. Jimin remembered what Jin had told him the last time they had had to take him to the hospital, his words summarized more generally by key words, "beat," and "shoe," and "scared that he was going to die and Bangtan wouldn't be Bangtan without 7 members and never to scare them again like that."  More or less. He looked over to the left, and saw his members in various positions on the floor, all sleeping.

Hearing the mattress and sheets moving as Jimin woke up, Hoseok stirred, eyes opening and looked up, smiled at him through tired eyes, and nudged Namjoon and Jin awake. They both woke up simultaneously, eyes immediately darting to Jimin's bed. "Hey chimmy." rasped Namjoon. Jimin dropped his face to the comforter, tears starting to slide down his cheeks. "I'm-I'm so sorry hyungs. I...am so sorry."There was a baited silence as he waited for their response, unable to look up. Surprisingly, it was Jungkook who spoke first. "Jimin-hyung, we love you. You know that right?" And that was all it took for Jimn to really start crying.

Later that night, after everyone had gone down to kitchen to eat, there was a knock on his door. "Yeah?" Jimin questioned, sitting up in bed. The door was softly pushed open by a hesitant  Namjoon.  He stepped gingerly into the room, rather suspiciously holding something behind his back.

"Hey hyung..."

"Hey chimmy... can I sit?" Jimin nodded vigorously and drew his knees up to his chest. Namjoon sit carefully on the edge of his bed, and handed Jimin the package. It was a small photo album, brown with gold leaf inlaid around the edges, chipped and scuffed. When he opened it, instead of photos, in every page was a list of Twitter comments. Questioningly he looked up at Namjoon, who flushed. "I printed my favorite Twitter compliments about you. I'm-I'm sorry about the book, it was all we had at hand." Jimin looked back at the book, taking in the sheer amount of words and pages, each one describing how much the user loved him. Whether it was about his beauty, or his personality, each and every one filled him with happiness. Namjoon spoke, snapping Jimin out of his reverie. "I was going to give it to you for your birthday, but...I felt like you needed it now."

"Thank you hyung. Thank you so much." Namjoon awkwardly nodded, and stood up, heading for the door. As he was about to leave, he paused and turned back. "Chimmy...you know you'll always be beautiful to us right? To me?" He avoided Jimin's eyes, scratching his neck as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Yeah, Joon-hyung. Thank you."

It was 3am, and Jimin knew that this was the last thing he should be doing. The week had already taken its toll on all of the members, Jimin included, and tomorow would be no better. He should have been asleep by now, preparing for tomorrow's exhaustion. But, he reflected, none of that knowledge was going to stop him from looking through his Twitter comments. "He's so beautiful, it makes me want to jump off a cliff," said one. And, "Ugh, why is Jimin naturally cuter than I'll ever be?" Another one simply read, "Beautiful."

END