Thin Line

Chapter 6

Mornings lately have been such a struggle.

Waking up isn't hard.

But getting ready is.

Every morning when I get ready, I just get reminded about how much I truly hate myself.

Every day I am reminded of how much I hate myself.

Every time I look in the mirror, all I can notice is my flaws.

But I guess everything about me is a flaw.

I cannot understand how people actually like themselves.

How can people actually not hate what they see when they look in the mirror?

How can people feel confident in themselves?

How do people not want to change themselves?

How can one not hate themself?

Is that even possible?

For as long as I can remember, I have always hated myself.

I have never been confident.

I have never been pretty.

I never will be pretty.

I never can be pretty.

I am far beyond the point of fixing.

I sigh before stepping on the scale.

I try to avoid the scale.

I am terrified to see the number.

I don't want to know what it says.

Yet I need to know what it says.

I look at the two digits on the screen.

How is the number still so high?

I haven't eaten in days.

How can I still weigh so much?

Although I should be losing weight, I am not.

And that is something you can tell just by looking at me.

If anything I look like I have gained weight.

I need to keep losing weight.

I need to get lower soon.

How can I not even starve right?

Something needs to change, obviously.

Maybe exercising more would be a good idea.

I pull out a pair of black leggings, as I do everyday.

Today I decide on a forest green long sleeve with a basic small rose in the tops right corner to pair with the black leggings.

I decide to pull my hair, that is still falling out very quickly, into a ponytail.

When I arrive at school, I meet up with my friends.

"Sierra, what are your plans tomorrow after school?" Abigail asks we when I arrive.

"Well, nothing I guess." I admit.

I just need to get this trip over with.

It isn't like I need to try on anything.

"Great, we are going to the mall then." She tells me.

"Perfect." I add, giving a fake smile. "I will see you guys later." I let them know before rushing to the bathroom.

Tears are already leaving my eyes when I enter the largest bathroom stall.