Chapter 4 (unedited)

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one lap

two laps

three laps

I kept running around the court while I tried keeping fit and keeping my place on the team. I tried keeping fit so Lynn wouldn't look at my body in disgust so she would want to love me, wanted me, wanted to touch me without feeling repulsed.

I would go to training every day because of Lynn and how she would want me to do this, that she wanted to word hard to keep space on that team and how she was proud of me. and just those thoughts put a smile to my face and pushed me to go harder.

My muscle burned, my legs felt like jell-o and I felt dizzy but I kept going high jumps, pish ups, sit ups, one mile runs but I kept going for her, for me. because I knew she was happy with me doing this and just that thought made me happy.

Sweat rushing down my back, legs going faster and faster but I didn't stop,

'faster' the coach would yell I just went going pushing myself because I wanted a body that she would liked to touch, something she would want to admire.

I wanted something that was caused by my hard work and I got that body and Lynn liked it, she actually like it and that made me happy that made my day, my night that made me love her.

***

" I'm sorry guys but we have withdrawn from the competition because of arrangements that didn't come true"

'just great' I thought I had been waiting on this trip for months we were going g to Poland for a couple games, I was on the national team for a sport I play.

I was kind of disappointed because I already made plans. feeling crappy about myself and such I decided to call Lynn for the first time feeling nervous and I bit shy I pulled out my phone and entered contacts sitting in the second line was Blue sighing lightly a I send off the call and put the phone to my ear

RING

RING

RING

RING

RING

RI-

I hung up the phone e feeling a bit deflated and embarrassed because I called expecting to hear her voice for the first time but instead her phone rang and I got no answer.

20 minutes later

"sorry I was skyping someone"

I looked at my phone then quickly typed

"yeah, whatever I gotta go up yeah bye BTW 'god natt alskar, jag alskar dig' yeah"

then I was done.

***

She didn't pick up this wasn't the first or the second time i called her and she still didn't pick up I let the phone ring out but no answer.

I decided to do something I didn't planning to, I pulled up the app and click on my only contact I decided to Skype her instead because she was answering and I got the same response as before no answer.

I felt rejected like I was trying to hard like she didn't want to talk to me like I was annoying, like she got bored and moved on and that was what our first argument about sounds childish but its not. that was supposed to be a bug step in our relationship not something you easily brushed off but she did and I was angry.

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