Loud Music

Broken -27

I woke up at four a.m. to my alarm going off. It woke Ryan too. I turned off my alarm and apologized for waking him. I sat up, and hung my legs off from the side of the bed.

"What are you doing?" Ryan asked. I gathered from the tone of his voice that he was still tired.

"I'm going to work at the blackbird studios today," I told him as I got out of bed.

"I have to go to Cali today and help Nash on the album," Ryan rubbed his eyes.

"When will you be back?" I asked as I put on my pants.

"A few days," Ryan put his hand on the back of his neck.

I walked to the bathroom, and pretended that it didn't bother me. He won't be next to me when I wake up. He won't make me toast in the morning. He won't make my body warm when I'm cold.

Ryan walked up behind me, and wrapped his arms around my waist, and put his head on my shoulder. He looked at me in the mirror, and said, "Don't worry, babe. I'll be back before you know it." He pressed his lips to my neck and gave me a kiss.

"But I won't smell you anymore. It's just hard," I mentioned as I placed my hand on is neck. I turned around to look at him.

"We'll text all the time." Ryan gave me a faint smile.

"Just call me before you go to bed. Can you do that?" I asked him.

"Yes." Ryan gave me a kiss on forehead. He walked out of the bathroom, and to the dresser with his clothes.

I returned to looking in the mirror. I started to put on my make up. I didn't put a lot on. Just enough to where it looks somewhat natural.

I looked back to see Ryan packing. I really didn't want him to leave. I didn't want to go, but I guess this is the way it's going to be. I know Ryan doesn't fully forgive me for that kiss with Harry. He knows that I wouldn't dare, but I think it's the fear of losing me that's making him this way. I can't blame him.

"I understand why Ian quit now," Ryan said as he packed.

"Why?" I asked as I got my things together in my purse.

"Love," Ryan looked at me.

"What?" I questioned.

"The distance is the worst thing when your in love. He'd rather be with the one he loves rather then just leaving a light on hopping that he'd come home," Ryan said.

"You're not thinking of quitting are you?!" I asked loudly.

"I mean," Ryan sat on the bed.

"Ryan. I can't be the reason you quit. And I don't mind leaving a light on for you. I'll be fine," I put my hand on his arm.

"But what if I won't?" He asked looking at his converse.

"Ryan. Distance may be difficult, but it makes the heart grow stronger. And I'll be here waiting for you. Plus, I have Kendall," I tried to cheer him up. He wasn't buying it.

"Tell you what. When you get back home... They'll be a special surprise waiting for you," I said with a soft voice.

"Okay. I love you," Ryan gave me a kiss. He kissed me harder and harder as seconds went by. I pulled away or I would be late to my first day at work. There was something about Ryan that wasn't right. I ignored it.

I walked out the door and thought about that kiss. It wasn't a kiss full of love or passion. I think it was a kiss on anger. He's still mad at me. I know he is, but that kiss. It was like he was about to throw me against the wall. Not in the kind of way I wanted him to.

I got to work on time, and the owner showed me around both buildings. I was already somewhat familiar with it since I worked with Hot Chelle Rae. He showed me to the desk I would be at for hours.

The day was slow. I showed a few bands where to go. I spent most of my time playing flappy bird. I hate that game.

I got home to see Ryan's bags next to the door. Ryan was putting food in the fridge. He went shopping. I was going to do that tomorrow.

Ryan saw me, and had a sad look on his face. "We need to talk," he spoke. "I'm staying in California,"

"I know, but you'll be back," I said with a smile.

"No. I won't," Ryan looked down. "I'm not coming back,"

"What?" I asked in shock.

"I just need time to myself," he said. He put his hand on mine. "I will always love you, but I just need time." Ryan walked away.

"You're just going to leave?!" I yelled at him. "After everything we've been though?!"

"I can't live in Harry's shadow!" He yelled back at me. Now I know for sure what he's angry about. He said that Harry and I talking was okay.

"You don't! I love you! Not him!" I was so angry that I felt tears behind my eyes.

"You told me a week. Not a year! How can I trust you?!"

"Ryan! Please!"

"No! No! Tell me! Tell me!" Ryan stepped closer to me.

It was hard for me to express my feelings. I wasn't the best. Until I was nineteen I hadn't seen my parents kiss. They barely spoke. That's how I grew up. I couldn't. I was afraid.

"Ryan," I sighed. I felt dizzy, and felt a pinch of pain. I ignored it. "I love you. Only you. I know it might seem that I still have feelings for Harry, but I don't. We talked once a week for a year. That was it. Everything is better with you. I love you like I love the sun. I need you like I need the air. Ryan, I love you," I said softly.

"I have to go," Ryan walked past me to get his bags.

"When will you come back?" I asked his back.

"I don't know," he mumbled before he walked out.

I fell to the floor, and cried. I fucked it up. I messed up everything. I don't know why I ever was with Harry. I didn't love him. I know I never will. I will never love anyone like I loved Ryan.

。。。

What do you think will happen? Well I promise a lot more drama.

Also last chapter for a bit! Making a new fanfic and I really like it. it's going to be called Foolish Behavior! anyways like it up if you want me to post more of this:) xx