The roar of the crowd can be heard through theirs ear piece. An endless hymn of fan chants and cries of admiration. Though tired, the members could not hold back their incredible happiness and love they felt towards their amazing fans. This was their last stage before ending their promotions of their latest comeback. The comeback was a huge success, breaking countless records earning them TV appearances, news coverage, and even making a break through American music charts and American media. BTS was quickly gaining popularity and becoming a household name.
The members had worked so hard and endured so many struggles to achieve their fame, it was hard to not be proud of BTS and express any sort of happiness and pride. This was their final promotion stage and they ended with winning yet another music award, resulting in a clean sweep (no loses) through the duration of their promotions. The members couldn't help but be overjoyed! After years of being hidden and forgotten in the background of other idol groups, they were now front and center, all eyes on them, receiving the attention and recognition they had longed for.
Their company went broke preparing this comeback so it was incredibly important for them to work extremely hard in order to continue as an idol group. As soon as they began to gather media coverage, they pushed hard. They made sure to be a part of as many media appearances and performance stages as possible in order to continue to build their fandom and spread their name. All the members wanted to be the best they could be and show off their best qualities, which often meant countless hours of practicing in order to provide flawless stage performances to capture the hearts of their audience. They basically strove for perfection.
There wasn't a single member who didn't have a smile running from ear to ear as their name was announced for the award. Though this promotion period was a clean sweep, it still felt like the first time they had received an award and so much attention, they were happy. Well, that is, all except for Min Yoongi. Don't get him wrong , Yoongi was more than happy to have finally achieved such success however, the stress of the comeback did nothing for his mental health. Yoongi had always struggled with his inner demons, but would usually vaguely talk to the other members about his struggles in order to try and feel better. However, with the pressure of this comeback, there was no time for him to do much except eat, sleep, and maintain his image in he media. So Yoongi was forced to keep to himself because their whole group was struggling to keep up and so he felt bad if he were to "dump" his problems onto another member.
So this is why Yoongi couldn't help but feel sad on their final stage. Despite having had such a successful comeback an even bigger fanbase of many people anticipating their next comeback, Yoongi couldn't help but feel worthless. He didn't feel worthy of their praise nor of their dedication. During tonight's performance Yoongi had messed up some of their choreography, and though it may have not been captured on camera, there were still fans and other groups in the audience who could have seen his mistake and he felt guilty for having disappointed them.
In all honesty, no one in the audience really saw the mistake. With the quick, sharp, and complex choreography of BTS no one would blame them is a member made a small mistake or two. However, this bothered Yoongi, he didn't want their praise and congratulations because it felt unfair for him to have received such compliments. Yoongi couldn't get the thought out of his head, but yet still put on a smile. They were still being broadcasted on live television so a frown wasn't ideal. But Yoongi didn't know whether his smile was from genuine joy or served to mask his dilemna.
After saying their thank you's and showing love to their ARMY, the cameras and lights were finally turned off. BTS could finally exit the stage, and return to their dressing rooms. Yoongi still couldn't rid himself of the thought, it felt like it was eating away at his sanity and only making him remember the other countless times he had made a mistake.
'Ahh, I can't believed I messed up on something so simple! I did the same mistake last week too. I can't believe we practice so hard just for me to mess up the choreography. I'm so stu-'
"Hey Yoongi, you okay there?" Yoongi's eyes darted up to find Namjoon in front of him with a concerned expression on his face. "Oh, hey Namjoon. Yeah, I'm ok! Sorry, I was just zoning off for a moment." Yoongi replied being sure to add a smile on his face. Namjoon's expression softened and with a small smile he replied, "Well, okay I guess. If anything is ever bothering you, don't hesitate to talk with any of us ok? We are here for you." These words comforted Yoongi and returning the smile, he responded, "Of course Namjoon, Thank you! I think I'm just a bit tired from our promotions." "No problem." Namjoon replied smiling and continued heading towards the stylist who was waiting for him.
Yoongi felt sick. He felt guilty for lying to Namjoon. Of course he wasn't okay! He's never been ok, and it didn't help that he felt guilty for not feeling comfortable with telling the truth to Namjoon, even though it was Namjoon who had asked. He had known the younger for years, and though they had fought through the darkest of times together, he still couldn't express his true emotions. It's ridiculous. Yoongi wanted to talk to his members about his thoughts so badly, but after the craziness of this comeback, Yoongi understood that they were all tired and he would feel horrible if his friends had to endure the weight of his struggles as well as their own.
These thoughts raced through Yoongi's head, overwhelming his tired mind. He soon felt dizzy and sick, so Yoongi went running to the bathroom and locked himself in. He luckily didn't run into any of the other members along the way or else he would've vomited all over them and the floor. It was much easier in the privacy of his locked bathroom stall. He knew for sure no one was in the bathroom because they were the last group left in the building and the show staff have their own facilities. He was by himself. Alone and isolated enough to keep his members from hearing him.
A/N - I am sorry if this seems like a boring or long start, but I promise it will get more interesting soon!
- X_YamiKawaii_X
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You Saved Me From Myself ~YoonMinSeok~
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